By Bondagegimp
The decision
Now! Now I have to decide! FUCK! I’ve known for days, but for days I haven’t been able to! I’m torn! I can’t decide. The last long conversation with Bob three days ago only made things worse. I haven’t slept well since. I lay in bed brooding until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion. Then I had wild dreams. Of Bob, lying happily on a beach with me, like in a normal relationship. Of Bob, holding me captive in his dungeon for days, torturing me. Of a life without Bob, because I left him. When I wake up, I can barely shake the feelings. And either way, they aren’t good feelings. No scenario makes me happy.
The dream of us on the beach started off lighthearted, carefree. In the dream, it felt so good to simply be with Bob, to have a normal relationship with him. But then Bob’s gaze meets mine — an empty gaze, without passion, a gaze that triggers a deep feeling of bitter disappointment within me. It’s that feeling you get when you’ve known for a long time that a relationship has ended, but only that one look reveals the truth you’ve long suppressed — it’s over. A stab in the heart. And neither the white sand nor the aquamarine water of the paradisiacal setting can console me. The stab in the heart makes me bleed. In the dream, I feel the stab and then see my blood flowing onto the white sand, into the aquamarine water. Everything turns black. When I wake up, I feel empty, utterly empty.
