By ty dehner

my time with Sir is coming to an end in 4 days. It doesn’t seem like we’ve been together for a week. Today is a quiet day. A thunderstorm passed over this morning as we did our stretching. We are going to spend some time apart this afternoon as Sir visits a friend. This is fine since we have been together nonstop since Friday Evening. But if we were in a M/s relationship, we would be apart many hours of the day because of work and other commitments. Our time this week is a special one, for we learned a lot about each other and this gives us better ideas of what can be expected in the future. Many boi’s dreams of being with a Master 24/7 every minute of the day. But that becomes a chain around the Masters neck. A burden. A good boi should be able to function on his own, find things to make his time productive. A great Master would value the time to himself, as should a great boi. The relationship and service to the Master is extremely important. But that service can and should include time for each to be alone.

We have kept active in the past several days. Of course, we have been to the gym. i’m not sure how Sir rates my performance. He sez i did well and i believe him. But i also think i’ve let him down since i haven’t progressed as much. What i am happy with, that even after these workouts, i am not overly sore or stuff. That tell me my stretching is paying off. And i suppose i can eventually increase the weight.

i continue to watch Sir as he does his workouts. He is in great shape, very firm and i like his definitions. He looks great in his goatee and shaved head. i think he is going to let his hair grow. i would like to see him in a close crop. i love the feel of that in my hands. i love when i touch Sir and feel the firmness and strength of his body. i have enjoyed doing my stretching with Sir. some of them done our own special way. Like when we are stretching, and it is giving a good burn Sir or i will deep kiss the other and that takes our minds off the burn for a brief moment. Or Sir might tease my feet while i am stretching. These are great about exercising together.

We have spent some time together outside of the gym We’ve gone to the movies, taken the train to the city doing a walking tour. Walked the forest trails also. We have had moments of quiet conversation. One in which i had the guts to ask Sir why he is interested in me. i know i don’t have the physical looks he desires, and i can’t have the way to totally serve him sexually yet. He told me he liked the way i show him respect, as when we were on the phone and i was mindful of his sleep time. He also likes that i enjoy showing and receiving affection. But he feels i have shown a lot by the 20 plus pounds i have lost and working out. Now if i could get pass the asshole block, i might have a chance of making this a success!

Sir has had me in bondage also. Monday morning, he had me in shackles. i cooked him breakfast and served it to him on the sofa. Monday night i slept in the same shackles. Tuesday night was an intense bondage session that i am still sorting out my feelings about.

Sir mummified me and strapped me to a tabletop. i was gagged with tape and hooded with the spandex hood. Sir spent time toying with me, teasing my foot soles, ice on my cock head, using the pin wheel, clothes pins, tit suction cups, ball press, breath control, orgasm control and electricity. And that is an area where i am unsure of my feelings. i must admit that i liked the lack of control in the situation when Sir used the stun gun on my feet and possible threats of use on other parts of my body. And the impact was not great. But it still scares me, and i am sure i went soft at the thought of the use of the electro on me. When we had finished told Sir that he has gone past a limit and asked him not to use the stun gun again. But now i am wondering whether i should limit him so. i mean i putting my trust in him, he has not hurt me so far. And i doubt if he has any intention of ever doing so. i think i should let him decide when he wants to use it, letting him have the control he deserves to have as my potential Master. Without that control i am limiting his functions to train me further and limiting his pleasure.

It has been two weeks since i have been with Sir. i guess i have been avoiding this entry, for it puts closure on the time we were together. In the back of my heart, there is a part that feels we will never be together again. It is a part that i bury deeply, for i don’t want it to come true. i tell myself that my memories will be with me forever and that the time we spent together in May will stand for a long time. It was a time that we learned about each other, we had some fun and exciting times, and we were able to see what day to day life really would be like.

In thinking back there were some challenging moments that i think few boys could handle with any grace or dignity. Saturday night was the most unusual i have ever experience, but it also become one of the strongest emotional nights i have ever experienced. But the day started out very different. The night before, i was checking my mail, when a former Master of mine was on line. We are great friends, and he brought many things to me and let me see more of myself. But when we were together i was a different person, and we ended up moving on. i count on him as a great influence in my life and a great friend. Anyway, he was picking up a boy in Chicago, early Saturday morning. i joked that we should kidnapped the boy, and Sir liked that idea. So, before we knew it, we were going to go to the airport with Master J and pick up his new boy. That night was one that neither Sir or i was sleeping well, it was warm and humid and i think we were both restless in some way.

The next morning, Master J stopped by and picked us up. i enjoyed seeing him again, as i introduced him to my new Master. We visited and joked as we headed to the airport. When we picked up the boy, i could tell he was surprised to find two others with Master J picking him up. We proceeded to a mall parking lot. Master J and i went for some breakfast, as Sir and the new boy were left in the van. Master J and i talked and touched up on some mutual friends. When we returned to the van, the boy was in a leather straight jacket, ball press, legs bound, and with a spandex hood. i wish i was the boy! We headed to Sirs house.

Once at Sir’s house, the boy was allowed to dress before getting out of the van. In the house, Sir gave him a bath, then a massage. i know that the boy did not expect that kind of treatment, since most Masters are not as special as my Sir is. After, we all hugged, and Master J and the boy were on their way out of town. i could tell that Sir enjoyed himself with this boy. But i felt secure enough to know that he felt strong about my service to him. i responded quickly to his commands and i know i must have made him proud by showing how good a boy i was for him. In some way, i hope the boy that left felt a bit intimidated by my service!

That afternoon we rested a bit and went for a long bike ride. Sir admitted that he had never gone on a ride like that. And that made me feel special. When i’m with Sir, he does things that he normally doesn’t take time to do. When we traveled to the city of Chicago for a day and just walked along the Lake. It was just us enjoying the day, the sun and the sites. No pressures of what time to be back. No pressures of having sex, no pressures of any kind. Just enjoying the good times together. And during this time, i learned that this is something Sir needs to do more of. He is a very busy person, but i think that sometimes he loses focus on where he is headed or what he wants to do. i believe that someone in his life can focus him in the right direction and keep him moving forward. Just as the evening with the car problems showed me that Sir takes the little things too seriously, i also learned that he needs to slow down and take time for himself. He deserves it so much and is missing so many great things. By Saturday, Sir was the most relaxed i had seen him in our times together. This was a side of him that i really enjoyed and wanted to be with the most. i do believe that in time, he will reach the point of being more relaxed every day, even with work. But until that time, he will work and strive to make his goals. Since my return, i have dedicated myself to forwarding him to the things that are most important to making his life a success and fulfilled. i will sacrifice things for me to make sure he reaches those. i might lose Sir in the course of these events. But i will know that i was not selfish and did what i do best, encourage others to reach their dreams.

That evening was very different. Sir had been talking with a fellow Master that lived near him. They had met on line. So, Sir had arranged for them to meet, as well as i. When we arrived, i was immediately ordered to strip, only my chain collar and lock remained. As they talked, i remained in the hall. i listened to their conversation and heard Sir say something’s that i had not expected. They hurt me, for they seemed to me that he was not happy with the progress we had made. They shortly went to the Master’s dungeon and continued to talk. On occasion i would again hear things that i didn’t expect. Now some would say that i was a bad slave for listening to the conversation. But there was a part of me that did not trust this Master we were visiting. And i wanted to remain alert in case anything should prove my feelings. After a while they came up stairs. Sir asked how i was and i told him that i was not doing well, and that we would not be playing tonight. But we could certainly stay and visit with the Master.

Sir and i stepped into the hall, private from the Master. We discussed briefly what upset me, and i felt bad. i really did. i thought i had done a great job with Sir, had proved my loyalty to him, my dedication with my progress in the gym and by being submissive to him. i never put restraints on him, and when i have, i have removed them after thinking about how i trust Sir so much. In hindsight, i over reacted big time. i should have realized that Sir was up against someone like him. They were some over statements to impress each other. The Master brought us into the room and we discussed things. i felt uneasy in the presence of this Master. Something just didn’t feel right. Sir was very gentle with me. He touched me, held my neck, sometimes we held hands.

Soon, the Master offered us a drink of Southern Comfort. i declined. i didn’t trust him, so i was not accepting anything he offered. Sir took one drink. Sir was unlike anyone i had met, he was not the man i had come to know. These two were playing a game trying to prove who was the better Master. i began to get the feeling that this Master wanted to make my Master submit before me, to prove his dominance over him. Sir had another drink. He was getting drunk, and i was beginning to not like the way the evening was headed. After an hour or more, Sir took a gag that was sitting on the table. It was a piss gag, one that keeps the boys mouth open for things to be inserted into his mouth. He put it on me and locked it on me. He then took me to the bathroom. He hugged me, as the door was closed. He told me that he was doing alright. i was scared and unsure. He ordered me into the bathtub. i was angry, but i followed through. He ordered me to my knees, he took out his penis and inserted it in my mouth. i was angry at that point. How could he do this to me. But as he started to piss, i began to feel very different. i could tell my dick was growing, i had trouble taking it all in. It went down my chest. i began to feel my Masters boy totally. This was the ultimate in submission. i know Sir enjoyed showing me that he was still in charge of me. After a minute or so, he was done. i hadn’t got it all in me, most went down my chest. We cleaned up, he showered me and toweled me off. i felt into his chest sobbing. i wanted us to leave now, i was caring so strongly for Sir, i was so scared and so wanted to protect him for this Man. He comforted me, as he had never done before. He assured me he was alright. i must admit that i had my doubts. But i took Sir at his word.

We returned to the room and they began their game of Masters again. Sir took two more drinks. We hadn’t eaten much that day, he had only had some bread that this Man was offering us. In time, Sir was sick, he was very drunk and was throwing up. i couldn’t believe that the evening had progressed this way. i began to blame myself for letting it get this way. i shouldn’t have stopped Sir from playing. i should’ve forced Sir to leave earlier. But i then thought that i must trust my Master, he is supposed to protect me and keep me safe. i just use his judgement and let him go where he wants to take it. In some way, i now think that is a bunch of bunk. i can protect my Master also, as he does me. i should have found a way to get us out of that house before things went south.

Eventually, Sir got calmer. We took him down the basement and he passed out. This Man let me eventually get dressed, as the night had turned very bad. The Man then put Sir in shackles and an iron collar. i could tell that this Man really wanted to dominate my Master. He was doing all this to make me question the judgement of my Master, as if to tell me that i am with a truly submissive man. In thinking about this, the Man felt that a Master can’t show a boy, love, affections or touch. He felt Sir was weak cause of the way he handled me. i am sure he felt that Sir should have forced me to the basement and beat me, handled me as Sir wanted. This Man feels a slave is property and that is all, to do with what he wants and then toss aside.

But Sir and i are not that way. We know that it is important for each to feel the affection of each and the dedication to each. Sir knows that i crave his touch, and if he ever finds reason to be upset with me, i am sure that will be the one thing that he will withhold from me.

After hours, Sir started to become coherent again. We finally got him sober and after some more time, he was ready to go home. It was after midnight, we had been at this Man’s house for 7 hours. It was a night i do not wish to relive ever again. i felt that Sir let me down so much, he was to protect me and in his state, he couldn’t have done anything for me. But i protected Sir, and that i am proud of. i have no doubt that if i was not there, or this Man had restrained me somehow, Sir would have been conquered by this Man. It is sad that this Man had to get Sir drunk to man handle him. But i know that Sir would have been harmed in some way, had i not been strong. i now know that this Man didn’t want anything from me, he wanted Sir to submit before him. He wanted to ruin the trust i have built for Sir, he wanted to destroy what we have.

During those time, there were several times that Sir looked me in the eyes, and i saw something i have never seen before. i could tell he was very sorry for letting things progress as they had. i just wanted to hold him tightly and take him home during those moments.

After we got home, Sir collapsed on the sofa. We then began to talk. We held hands, and i looked up at him from my position on the floor. We were drawing closer tonight than we had ever. This week was stronger than either of us had expected. Sir opened to me again, in ways i didn’t expect. The morning was coming. It was nearly 1 or 2, Sir wanted to go for a walk. We walked in the cool air. The neighborhood was quiet. Sir was regretful for what had happened. And apologized a few times. Then came the moment that i truly will never forget. As we walked down the sidewalk, Sir reached over and took my hands. We walked holding hands, in his neighborhood. i was so touched and felt so special, words can never portray my feelings. We walked for ten or more minutes, before a police car passed by and we let go. It is so sad to me that i can never show my true love and affection to a Man in public unless i am in a Gay friendly area. Why must i be denied who i am, what i feel for the special person in my life. i do hope that in time, i will be free to be who i am.

Eventually we made our way home and fell into bed. This evening was an emotional roller coaster that i never want to experience again. i learned so much about Sir this evening. He was relaxed that he let his guard down. But i held strong and protected my Master as any good boy would do. He is the man that i care for deeply and i respect the relationship that we are developing. i would never let some half-baked so called Master ruin what we are working to achieve. For what Sir and i have and will have will be far superior to anything that Master will ever dream of.

That Sunday, we spent the early part of the day seeing the small villages of Chicago. Doing some shopping and just taking it easy. We walked though some nice neighborhoods that i know Sir would love to live in. As we walked we talked about the serious issues we needed to talk about. During this visit, i had helped Sir re-shoot his images for his book and video. But while doing it, he treated me as if i didn’t know what i was doing. This hurt me a great deal. i am a trained videographer and have studied photography. He did not let me use my skills to make his job easier. This disappointed me and frustrated me. i told him how upset i was. That he needed to put some trust in me to use my talents to make his life easier. While i understand that Sir wants to be in control, he also must accept that this boy does come equipped with some valuable talents and can use them to make Sir’s dreams come true. By letting me use these skills, i would be so proud to make Sir a success, to show others how great he is. i was impressed that Sir can discuss these things with me. He accepts we have things to work on, as i do. Some Masters are a one-way street, their way or no way. But what is the point of having a boy with talents, if you don’t use them to your benefit? That is what is so special about Sir being my Master, he knows that i can benefit him, as he will guide me to my true self.

That evening, Sir had a guest so i needed to stay away for several hours. i spent the night at the movies and watching the trains. i was lonely for Sir, for it was our last night together. In some way i was a bit upset that he had made plans for our last night. But i also remember that this is what the life of a slave is like. Sir comes first, his life and his plans are the up most important. i admit that we needed the time apart, we had been together for 9 days straight. While that was an enjoyable time, it was also not a true reflection of what 24/7 would be like, for we would each be working and doing other things in our lives. But the hours did drag, for in my heart, all i wanted to do is to be with Sir. i wanted us to enjoy each other for the evening, to have fun, perhaps do some bondage or whatever he felt like enjoying. Eventually, he came and picked me up. We talked and visited at home. Held each other and knew how special we both were in each other’s life. We went to bed but couldn’t sleep. i think we both knew our time was running out and didn’t want it to end. We got up to take a walk. But Sir had me strip. He put my cock and balls in handcuffs, tightly. He had me put on a pair of spandex black shorts that created a bulge in front where my cock was locked. i had on my collar, and he put on a black sweat shirt. He allowed me socks, but no shoes. We went for a walk. i was impressed that Sir was getting bolder in his neighborhood. i think he was beginning to not worry what the neighbors thought, and to live his life the way he wanted.

As we walked, he stopped once and had me do pushups and kiss his feet. i got six done. Not great, i need to improve in that area. We eventually made our ways home and climbed back into bed. i know Sir really enjoyed me walking like that, and i must admit that i enjoyed it also. For it made him happy, and that is what i strive to do.

We woke early the next morning, for Sir had to be at work. i made him a light breakfast and he was gone. i went back to bed for a while. Eventually i woke and showered. He came home for lunch and i fixed him lunch for the last time. He left to work. i was home alone. i went to the bedroom, i felt very sad. Such wonderful time we had had in and below the bed. i didn’t mind sleeping on the floor the first evening, for it made the times i sleep with Sir even more special. And at the time i need to be reminded of that. i began to tear up, for in my heart, i didn’t want to go home. i wanted to stay to be with him.

During our adventure at that Man’s house, when Sir was getting drunk, the Man asked what Sir was thinking of that moment, what he wished he were doing. Sir thought, then answered with something i am sure that this Man would never have thought of. Sir said he was thinking of being in a bar, with his boy before him reciting poetry to him. That struck me. Sir is such a special and different Master. He is unlike any out there, and that is why i want to be with him. He doesn’t let fantasies and stories and so-called rules decide what kind of of Master he is going to be. He is going to be the kind that he wants to be, to shape his boy in the image that he wants. He doesn’t care what others think. He is his own Master and that is the most important in the world.

As i sat in Sirs home, alone, for the final hours, i sat and wrote him a poem. It was one of the most heartfelt things i’ve written, perhaps more than these journal entries. i folded the poem and placed it on his pillow for him to find when he went to bed.

Sir arrived home and since traffic was heavy, we needed to head to the airport. Writing this now, brings back such strong emotions. i wanted to hug him forever, give him the deepest most loving kiss i could ever muster. i wanted to have him fuck my ass one last time, i wanted to submit to him totally. i wanted him to tell me not to go, to stay and build my life with him.

But reality is reality and we must go where things lead us. It was a silent drive. i wanted to say things to him, but every time i started to say the words, i began to choke up and i didn’t want to fall apart in front of Sir. It was the longest drive of my life. We held hands on occasion…but i wanted to hold more of him. Oh shit, it is happening again….i care for this Man so damn much, i have never felt this way in my entire life. He means so much and i want so much for him. These are things that i wanted to say to him, but i couldn’t without becoming so weak and a blubbering idiot. When we arrived at the airport something in me wanted to reach across and hug and kiss Sir so deeply so passionately. But i would never ever embarrass Sir in a public place like that. So we said our good-byes.

It hurt like nothing in my life to say goodbye, for as i said at the beginning, i am so fearful that that was our last time together. i know that i seemed cold and distant to Sir and that is certainly not the way i wanted things to end. i really wanted it to be like in the movies, us hugging and kissing as the crowds passed by. Sir, locking his chain collar around my neck to remember him always and who i want to dedicate my life too. To be his boy to make him proud, to make him strong, to make him successful, to make him happy, to make his life unlike any life ever lived.

As i walked and waited in the terminal, i looked at the people. Could they tell how much i was hurting inside, could they tell how much i care for this Master of mine. Could they tell how happy my life is knowing that i have someone like Sir in my life. Could they know that i want to be with him forever, that if he asked me today to move, i would do whatever it took to be there. i know we couldn’t live together right away, but i would be in the same city, with him, to hear him, to see him smile, to see him laugh, to feel him dominate me, to submit to him, to play bondage games, to hug, to cook for him, for him to bath me, for me to bath him, for us to be there for each other when we need each other, to know that we are indeed blessed to be together.

So now i am home. i continue to strive for my best at the gym, i get comments now on the weight i have lost. i am nearing the time when i have a job. i think daily about shaving my head permanently. i also think about Sir many times during the day. When i look at a clock, i add two hours and wonder what he is doing. This past week i sent a letter unlike any letter i have ever sent. In it, i submitted myself totally to Sir. i have not heard back whether he is accepting my submission or if we are going to be committing to anything stronger. But i know in my heart that Sir is my Master, as no man has been before. He will show me how great i can be, and i know that i can make his life truly great. i am unlike any boy he will ever meet. We have much work ahead of us, but i am hopeful that in time, we will be together again, and at the end of that visit, we will know that we need each other, to be closer to grow with one another and create a life that seems only to exist on the pages….

 

Epilogue

 

There were only these two visits between this Master and i. Long distance is always a challenge, but in the young age of the internet there was hope that something magical could happen. Things came to end that Summer. We talked a few times in the following year and as it does, time created a distance and then we lost track of each other. But those moments are forever in writing and thus will remain in my memories forever.

 

The end

 

Metal would like to thank ty dehner for sharing this story!