Be careful when hooking up online

Hey fellas, time to get serious for a moment.

There have been a number of serious incidents here in NYC in recent weeks involving gay men getting murdered after hooking up with other men they met online. These incidents have received widespread media attention in the local papers and TV news broadcasts.

Guys, PLEASE be careful when meeting up with new guys for sex play … ESPECIALLY if it involves bondage! Here are some tips that you might find useful:

  • If you are going to seek a play partner out online, I would strongly suggest you stick to a tried-and-true profile site like Recon, and avoid Craig’s List. (With Craig’s List, especially if you are going for bondage play, you are just taking too big a risk, in my opinion.)
  • When you are on a site like Recon, the guy’s profile will give you a much better sense of him. Does he have multiple pictures of himself available? Do they match? How long has he has had a profile on the site? Does he have friends listed whom you know? Check with some of those guys. Use your common sense.
  • Definitely make sure someone knows where you are going. That means giving a trusted buddy the guy’s contact information. (Whenever I invite somebody over here to tie up for the first time, I always send the guy my full name, address and phone number with a note, “feel free to give this information to a trusted friend, so that somebody knows where you are.”)
  • If you don’t have a buddy to act as your “safety,” then get one. Don’t worry, you don’t have to go into detail with your safety buddy about what you are doing or getting into, if you are uncomfortable or embarrassed sharing that information. Your buddy is not going to judge you, and you can return the favor for him next time.
  • You might want to consider meeting the guy in a public place, like at a bar or coffee shop, before going back to his place for the action.
  • Even better, go to a public play space like the New York Bondage Club to play for the first time.
  • If you are tied up at a play party with lots of other guys around and things get out of hand, you can always yell the universal safe word, which is “safe word!”
  • Another thing to consider, if you are going to get tied up by another guy for the first time, is that it is probably better to go to HIS place and not have him over to your place. Is there a doorman or security camera where he lives? That’s a plus for you.

Again, make sure that someone knows where you are going!!!

For more information on how to hook up safely, a really great resource is the New York City Anti Violence Project (AVP) … they have a 24-hour hotline — 212-714-1141 — as well as a downloadable PDF called “Staying Safe” that you can download by clicking here.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Be careful when hooking up online”

  1. While your advice is still good advice, there’s already a link from that story to a newer story reporting an arrest in one of the cases, of someone who’d known the victim for years. Nothing to do with online hook-ups.

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