There is a difference between consensual bondage and abuse

A number of readers got in touch about a particular two-part story I recently posted. Thank you for the feedback. I wish to express my apologies for those who got turned off with that one. That story features a dark fantasy that one writer wanted to share — but many readers pointed out that it went too far, especially in the second part, crossing the line from consensual play into abuse. It’s definitely not something that should be done in real life. I thought about deleting the story altogether, but I have since gone back and added a warning message to both parts of the story.

UPDATE: After receiving more comments and emails from concerned readers about the story, I have decided to delete it from the Metalbond site. If the author posts it elsewhere I will share a link.

This offers a good opportunity to point out that while men are depicted on this website being bound, restrained, tied up and dominated — everything depicted here is presumed to be consensual. The stories are for fantasy and jerking off, not to be carried out in real life.

When engaging in bondage, S/M or any other sexual activity, always remember that there is definitely a difference between fantasy and reality, between consensual bondage play and abuse. Here’s a helpful graphic to help you spot the difference:

the difference between BDSM and abuse

There are a number of articles available online about the difference between healthy BDSM activity and abuse.

A really good place to start is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

Also check out Psychology Today (where the graphic above is from) and verywell.com.

8 thoughts on “There is a difference between consensual bondage and abuse”

  1. Thanks Metal for making sure we are all on the same page. While there may at first appear to be some similarities, they are polar opposites.

  2. I’ll add my thanks too. I appreciate that when we look at BDSM sites they can be quite “challenging” but we know, or at least should know, that they are consensual as explained above. That story, well it was simply disturbing and not part of what I keep returning to this site for.

  3. The story certainly depicted non-consensual abuse. And I agree we all need to be very mindful of consent in real-life play.

    But there are lots of other non-consensual stories in this site’s story archive. The deleted story was certainly more extreme in its sadism than most I have read–and it lost its appeal for me in its extremeness–but there are many others were the sub is tricked into situations they would not have agreed to that many of us still find hot. I guess I’m arguing that the deletion of this particular story from the site, which is obviously within metalbond’s full rights, seems arbitrary and inconsistent if the standard is non-consensual abuse.

    And while the actors in the video porn highlighted on this site may consent (usually–there is at least one lawsuit that says they didn’t), they often depict non-consensual story lines. The advantage of written fiction and fantasy videos is that they allow us to go to dark places that we couldn’t ethically or legally do in real life.

    To the original author–I may not have appreciated the more extreme portions of your story, but you’ve got talent, and I hope you’ll keep writing and sharing with us. I recognize the large amount of time and effort that goes into writing quality stories.

    1. I agree that many of the stories on this site, while certainly filling some wish fulfillment needs many of us have of it not being bondage until we’re out, are non-consensual and play differently in “today’s world” than they would have even a few months earlier with discussions of consent taking front stage. There’s even one “true story” here about a guy that wanted to act out his prison bondage fantasy so he made his friends parade a decidedly non-consensual inmate through the public just so he could enjoy being chained up. The consent conversation can only happen if it’s not suppressed.

  4. There is absolutely a difference between consensual sex and non-consensual abuse.

    With that said, fantasy kink stories should not be held to a different standard than other kink fantasy stories, or fictional books, or movies, or other media (as opposed to real-life events, or manifestos). With regards to the content posted in the prison library over the years, with which Metal has maintained and populated, we can go through literally dozens and dozens of examples of stories depicting consent issues, be they through the use of outright deception, lies, or the concept of decisions being made for the victim long before they ‘agree’ to a scenario (as was the case in the catalyst story, here). In other words, the ‘ole bait-n-switch is alive and well as a plot device, and has been for a long time.

    With that said, I will agree that the level of violent pain and all-around harm depicted in this story is substantially more intense and disturbing than the content typically presented in stories posted here. And for that reason I understand the highly controversial sentiment elicited by this story.

    Therefore I suggest and believe this is much more of a violence and harm-related line than a consent-related objection raised in about this story.

  5. I agree with Josh that porn fiction can, and sometimes should, “allow us to go to dark places”. Many porn stories are more or less based on non-consentuality because some of our phantasies obviously are as well.
    For me, BDSM play is about psychological contact. Part of this contact is achieved by “pushing limits”, which is based on the trust that the top stays permanently caring and compassionate while acting “violent”. The second part of this story portrayed the radical opposite of this idea, which, for me, destroys any possibility of lust.
    I understand that for some other people this is not the case. Maybe the idea of unlimited unscrupulous sadism is their big turn-on, and that’s okay. Sexuality is not always politically correct. Thus, I don’t say that this kind of stories shouldn’t be published at all. I just hope that everyone is rational enough not to seek this in reality.
    My problem while reading this story was that, like many others, I see my BDSM practice and phantasies in some way as a quite fragile part of my psychological being. Lust is connected to fears in a quite delicate way, and over-triggering the fears can make me feel rather bad. I’m vulnerable in this spot.
    So, I appreciated the trigger warnings. For me, this would have been enough. Anyhow, now a discussion has started here, which is also a good thing. Maybe this could happen even more often.
    (I hope that I could make myself clear, English isn’t my first language.)

  6. As a contributor of stories to Metal’s site, I had to seriously consider both sides of this issue – as a reader and an author.
    I, too, have written stories that were definitely dark and ended with a character in a far from consensual position. The characters were left abandoned to their fate – ofttimes a cruel and heartless one. As such, I received comments chastising me for that – and, I will admit, somewhat deservedly so. Those stories were, of course, never meant to be reenacted in the “real world.” They were stories of fantasies from a dark corner of my mind that I hoped would be entertaining solely as fiction.
    It would, therefore, be somewhat hypocritical of me to berate this author, other than saying I was quite disturbed at the depiction of abject brutality as the story neared its close.
    We all have our turn-ons and turn-offs and this story ended far too darkly for me (and it appears for many others, as well)
    We can be relieved that it was fiction. However, we
    must still be free to express ourselves in our fictional worlds. Metal does an excellent job posting warnings on those stories that are either too brutal or too explicit and I hate to see a story removed entirely.
    In this particular case, a line was crossed for many (myself included) but I am truly heartened at the conversation it has sparked regarding our BDSM world – our “real world” experiences must, indeed, be sane, safe, and consensual – there is absolutely no place for emotional or physical, non-consensual abuse.
    In our fantasy worlds, however, we can go a little darker – being able to separate reality from that fantasy is, of course, crucial.
    We are a tight-knit community sharing many and varied fetishes….we need to look out for one another, protect one another, offer support and help where there is abuse……but still have the ability to indulge our fantasies….even the darker ones in the realm of fiction. We can choose not to read those stories we dislike….or, as is the case now, spark a lively debate!!
    Be safe …

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