By Nick Ensign

I’ve been trying to dream up a new perfect urinal gag. Please, know in advance that my design is what turns *me* on.

For me, the perfect design is one that starts out with no loss of urine. Every drop that is pissed into the gag must end up in the urinal’s stomach. Of course, not every owner or master (or casual pisser) wants the experience to be clean for the urinal. It is often necessary for the urinal to be pissed on or otherwise drenched with a good amount of urine so that it never forgets what it has become. Using a man as a urinal is an act of degradation so if the pisser needs to further degrade the urinal by pissing *on* it, the urinal gag should allow this to be easily done. This necessitates an open-topped cup design.

With no obstruction or effort, the pisser can move his stream from the cup to the face or body of the urinal. Most urinal gags on the market are already designed like this. Speaking for myself, the cup should resemble as much as possible an actual piece of plumbing so that both the pisser and the urinal get a clearer picture of the process.

Next, we need to consider how the urinal gag seals to the urinal’s mouth. Remember, any piss that goes into the gag must go through the urinal’s mouth and down to the stomach. The urinal must swallow it all. It is something of a given that a tube must go from the gag’s collector into the urinal’s mouth. A tube is notoriously difficult to seal off though. Once the piss is fed into the urinal’s mouth, there can’t be any splash back or dribbling. Tape can be used, but a simple tube would require a lot of tape to seal off and the positioning would move about. I propose a wide rubber guard that entirely covers the urinal’s mouth. The hose would pass through this guard. The rubber should be stiff-ish but not inflexible so that when pressed against the urinal’s mouth, a decent seal can be made. The rubber should also be capable of taking a sturdy tape without degrading over time. Once inserted, this rubber seal will be easier to affix into place with duct tape.

To perfect the seal, just a quarter inch or so behind the outer rubber seal, there should be a second rubber flange. It will be smaller than the outer seal, and the urinal’s lips will be fitted between the outer seal and the inner flange. This second layer will make a nearly perfect seal over the urinal’s mouth. Once this gag and seal is strapped onto the urinal’s head, the only way in or out of the urinal’s mouth will be through the gag’s hose. There will be no stray liquid. Of course, the owner or master should feel free to apply tape if he likes to re-inforce the mental domination and degradation.

The problem going forward from here is that the amount of piss coming into the urinal’s mouth is often too much to be physically processed. New urinal’s need to be trained to swallow that much piss that rapidly, and often the rush is enough to overwhelm well-trained urinals. No one wants to drown the urinal or send it into a coughing spasm. Caution must be taken at all times to preserve the urinal’s health and wellbeing. Only a healthy, untroubled urinal can sit there and spend the hours contemplating its new life as nothing but a urinal.

I have two suggestions on how to solve this problem. The first is what I would rather be done to *me*, but the second would be fun as well.

The collector portion of the gag could feed into two hoses. One hose has a wider diameter and is lengthy, made to accomodate most of the piss. The second hose would handle less of the stream and be short. The first hose would be carefully slid down the urinal’s throat to empty directly into the urinal’s stomach. Care must be taken to ensure that this hose does not completely fill the urinal’s throat and that it actually goes to the stomach. This is actually not as difficult as it may sound. The urinal may briefly experience an uncomfortable sensation but will adjust. The second, short, tube will simply end in the urinal’s mouth. After all, what is the point of making a man your urinal if he doesn’t taste your piss? The second tube will ensure that your urinal also gets to enjoy your piss.

An alternate method of handling the flow of piss would be to have a reservoir of some sort attached to the gag. Piss would flow from the collector into the reservoir. From there a more regulated stream could be forced into the urinal’s mouth. Perhaps the reservoir could be squeezed? I’m not a mechanical engineer so I’m not sure how to design this portion of the gag. The reservoir should, however, be designed with a bit of insulation that preserves as much of the urine’s original warmth as possible.

I hope I was clear enough in my descriptions. I don’t have any production means or I would try to make one or both of these gags. And it probably doesn’t need to be said, but I would happily squat on the floor and be strapped into either of these gags!

Metal would like to thank the author, Nick Ensign, for writing this!

Here are other Metalbond posts about urinal gags:

CONVERSION – A STORY ABOUT A LOCKING PISS HOOD

HOW TO BECOME A HUMAN URINAL