By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 6: That’s Five Small Steps for a Man

So wow, and it only took me half the night.  If this is what “research” is like, forget it.  But here I was in the SLP arm of the Bureau of Such and Such, and I started dissecting it (clever medical image, right?):  Home, Mission Statement, Goals, Officials, Statistics, Invest in the SLP . . . .  Finally, there it was: Volunteer for the SLP.

So what did I see when I clicked on that?  Big headline, brown letters (natch!):

COMMIT TO SERVE

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?

 

Yes, that’s the question, isn’t it!  Patrick thought I didn’t.  Even I thought I didn’t.  But how would I find out?

OK, let’s see what it says.  After the headline, there were a couple paragraphs like this:

“The State Labour Program offers lifetime employment for men (18 years of age and upward) who seek a structured and controlled work environment.  Program participants will be trained and maintained at no cost to themselves.  Living conditions are spartan, and work can be physically challenging.  Food, clothing, housing, healthcare, and all other necessities are guaranteed.  St. Bevons is a tropical island of great natural beauty that welcomes a highly diverse workforce, representative of the ethnic mixture of the Dominion and of its engagement with both penal and nonpenal populations.

“Applicants are advised that this Program is not for everyone.  Persons who may experience difficulty in adapting to an all-male environment in which highly disciplined communal living is a central feature are urged not to apply.  If, however, you respond to discipline and can learn to take commands, we urge you to consider the St. Bevons challenge.”

Well, that was interesting.  It seemed to be a lot more about the guys chopping the trail than it was about fast times with P and D.  But I didn’t expect it to mention that.

So what was next on the menu?  I could click on either More Facts About the SLP or Yes, I Want to Join the SLP.  I knew a few of the Facts, so I saved them for later and went right to Yes, I Want to Join.  What came up was another big headline in the center of the page:

FIVE STEPS TO YOUR NEW LIFE

 

Above the headline was a gorgeous! picture of four slappie boys leaning on their mops and brooms or whatever and smiling like crazy at each other.  Totally in uniform, totally hot.  I mean, if every guy like me could see that picture, the SLP would be fuckin rolling in applications!  Underneath it were words that said:

“Do you want to be part of the SLP?  Do you have the right stuff?  Joining is a lifelong commitment, so we want to find out.  There are five steps from where you are to where you want to be.”

So I stopped and edged for a while.  Only five steps!  That was nothing compared with getting into med school!  And the clothes you got were a hell of a lot hotter.  Those slaps at the top of the page were totally killin it!  I needed all my “commitment” not to cum right then!

But now it was maybe 1 a.m., and I figured I should get going on the–drum roll!–Five Steps to My New Life.  Very simple–there was a list and you could click through it.

Apply

Document

Interview

Sign

Report

 

OK, begin at the beginning: Step 1, APPLY.

What showed up when you clicked was the obvious, entry-level form: give us your name, your address, and whatever else we want to know.

So what did they want to know?  First they wanted me to know something.  At the top of the form it said:

“Notice to applicants: This application is not a commitment to any binding agreement by either the applicant or the State Labour Program. Any such commitment will be made only at Step 4.” 

But that was in small print.  Right below it was a big “WELCOME APPLICANT!  We would like to know more about you.  The information you give will be treated in complete confidence.  Ready?  Go!”

Then there were a lot of questions.  Who I was, how old I was, where I went to school . . . .  Looked pretty straightforward.  Long, though.

I went on to Step 2, DOCUMENT.

That was uglier.  They wanted you to send them a bunch of stuff.  A. “A photo of your driver’s license or other form of identification bearing your likeness.”  B. A copy of “the results of a physical examination conducted by a licensed physician within 30 days of your Application, assessing your health and stating the nature and outcome of any operations for or diagnoses of potentially fatal or debilitating conditions, sicknesses, or injuries, together with a statement of all current immunizations.  If immunizations are not current for the diseases indicated in the following list, these must be performed and proof submitted.”  C. Copies of legal papers with all kinds of weird technical names “respecting any civil or criminal case in which you are or have been involved.”  That could get really ugly, I thought, if there were any.  But they did put in a note: “Past legal involvements are not necessarily prohibitive of SLP volunteer service.”  I guess not, since most of the slappies were convicts to begin with!  D. “Photos of yourself taken within 30 days of your Application: face (frontal), full body (frontal), full body (left), full body (right), full body (back).  Shorts may be worn.”

I didn’t have any legal cases.  The physical exam—that would be a hassle, but I guess they’d need it.  At least it would show whether your shots were up to date.  The idea about the photos—that made me hard!  Nobody’d ever asked me to “document” my body, even with my shorts on.

I was about to cum, so I knew I’d better calm down and just eyeball the rest of it.

Step 3, INTERVIEW.

“Your interview will take place online.”  That was good.  But what would it be like?  I’d only had one interview in my life, and that was for my hospital gig, and the guy was my father’s friend.  This one was supposed to be “a frank and thorough discussion of your suitability for the Program.  We want to hear from you, and we are sure that you want to hear from us.  The topic is your ability to fulfill the demands of the State Labour Program.  It is important that you enter the Program with a full understanding of what will be expected of you, if our assessment of your suitability is favorable.”  OK, fine, I get it.  On to—

Step 4, SIGN.

“If you are invited to make your commitment to the Program, we will provide the requisite form for your signature.  Your signature may be registered electronically.  An Order to Report will then be issued to you.”

All right, makes sense.  And so we come to the final Step–

Step 5, REPORT.

Which is where you’re told to go to St. Bevons and turn yourself in!  “You will be given a date, time, and location for your entry into the State Labour Program  . . . . ”  So from then on, you’re in the Program, and—they didn’t exactly say it this way, but—you are NOT comin out.  Hard to imagine what that would be like!  Did they pick you up at your hotel, or did you have to get your own ride?  Did they start off calling you by your last name—“Congratulations, Mr. Smith, you are now a participant in the State Labour Program”–or did they just start calling you “slappie”?  How long would it take them to put you in uniform?

But that was the moment when I thought, oh man, yeah, this is the time, and I came like a firehose all over myself and “Modern Animal Physiology,” which somehow got in the way.

To be continued …