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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 17

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 17: Reclaiming Errant Youth

So that helped a lot, and I got back to enjoying all the exercise and being chained up and getting to sleep every night in a place that was NOT like a resort at all and trying to do everything right so I wouldn’t get punished.  I marched past the pillory every day, and I did NOT want to go in there!  Although I did think it was fun to see the other dudes gettin it—especially seein them squirmin around when the beam came down on them, like maybe they could squirm enough to get out of the thing!  It was just funny, that’s all.

But finally I got it.  It was for stealing one of those sporks that they give you to eat with.  I didn’t need it; I just wanted to steal something, and I did.  But I guess the real thing was that the boss thought I was gettin cocky, cuz everything I did seemed to be right.  So he was watchin me and as soon as I got back to the barracks that day he grabbed me by the ear and made me take the spork out of my undies and he told me I was gettin the pillory tomorrow.  Only what he did, he put me into it right before chow that morning, and he let me out right afterwards, “so you woan miss you day on thee chain, boy.”  But actually I think it was because he liked me.  Like I think I said, they all sorta liked me.  That’s why they were all yellin at me and cursin at me when he put me in, and sayin stuff like, “That teach you not to fuck you momma” and “Hey boss, he still gotta spork in his pants!” and “Never mind—that too small to be a spork!”  Because I had this raging hardon.   So they had fun. Yeah, I guess I had fun too, mon.

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 16

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 16: Customer Satisfaction Remains High

Next morning, I wake up, my browns are hangin there on the bunk post, just waitin for me to get into em, and everybody’s runnin around in their shorts, doin stuff, and light’s comin in through the bars, and now I’m gettin ready for the first full day of my life as a slappie!  And I’m excited again.

The latrine was lots easier this time.  Smelled worse, but no problem about squattin down, and the shit came outta me so fast that the other dudes were callin me “Speed Ho” and some other obnoxious things that meant they were definitely gettin to like me.  Way down the line, I saw the dude that was talkin to me that night, and he was lookin at me with sort of a smile on his face—I guess it was a smile, but whatever, he was tellin me to remember what he’d told me.  One of the slaps even came over to me and showed me how to use those clunky little shavers that are attached to the wall.  Hate those things!

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 15

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 15: Would You Recommend Our Accommodations to Others?

Actually, I was wondering if this was gonna turn out to be another P and D thing, which probably was just my confusing how hot I thought I was in my first suit of browns with what those dudes must’ve had in mind when they were doin the stuff about bossing and killing and laying out the rules for the uppity new slap.  But I didn’t get a chance to find out.  The back door opened and immediately the room was filled with the body of a huge black man in a slappie suit.

“You finish with thee newbie,” he said, and it was more like an announcement than a question.

“Yeh boss,” Jojo said, and for once there wasn’t that little bit of sarcasm in his voice.  “Jus finish.”

“OK, I take em now,” the black man said.  “Cmere boy.”

I was the boy.  I came, and without saying anything else he walked out the door with me trailing behind.  “I’m Churchill,” he informed me.  “I’m thee barn boss.”

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 14

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 14: A Brief Introduction to Our Personnel Policies

And fuck!  There I was!  The total package!  Brown boots, brown shorts, brown shirt, brown cap—an SLP servant from head to foot!  I’d like to say, “I didn’t even recognize myself,” but too bad, I’d need to change that to “almost didn’t”!  Still—HUGE change, even from the way I was, back at my brief visit to Patrick’s browns.  I’d been putting on some weight, I mean muscle, but most of it was attitude.  That  SLP on my chest was yelling “watch out for this dude!”  And of course the collar—“this bad boy needs to be collared!”  SO cool!  I couldn’t stop repeating: I’ll be in SLP gear for the rest of my life!  It wasn’t one of those remakes that happen when you visit the mall and decide to get with the trends.  What I saw in the mirror was me–the permanent me.

I put my hands on my hips and turned this way and that way, raising my arms and flexing my muscles like you see dudes doin on Mashbook or whatever, just likin what I saw.  I grabbed the brim of my cap and pulled it off, wondering what I’d look like without it.  Still good!  I mean, who is this tough guy with the bald bald skull?  Can it be Slappie Number 24250, the former Joel Barlow?  Wow!  It definitely changes you!  But I think I liked it better when I was wearing my cap.  I liked the all-brown look.

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 13

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 13: What Everyone’s Wearing on Palmerston Road

When you first get your collar, it feels so heavy, it’s almost like you’re an animal wearing one of those wooden yokes you see in pictures of, like, primitive places or whatever.  Of course you get used to it pretty fast.  But when they first put it on you, it’s a big thrill.  I mean, it’s not like, hmmm, this is a new piece of clothing, I wonder how I’m gonna like it, maybe I’ll take it off.  Your collar is fuckin ATTACHED to you!  And you’re gonna be wearin it for the rest of your life!  So like I said, big thrill!

“What’s this?” Malcolm said, looking down at my cock.  Which was sticking straight up.

“Dunno,” I said.  “Guess it likes my number.”

“He really is a smartass,” Jojo said.

“Whatever,” Malcolm said.  “Now sit on that chair.”

Too bad, I thought.  Nobody likes my dick.  Anyway, there were some old wooden chairs in the room, and I sat down on one of them.  Behind me, something switched on.  Something electric.  Something that made a loud whirring noise.  “Hold still,” Malcolm said.  “I’m gonna buzz you off.”

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 12

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 12: Your Neck Needs a Little Something . . . .

The officers didn’t say anything, they just unlocked a big wooden door and a door made out of bars—wow! bars!—and took me along a little sidewalk, and there was a building like an old garage and it had bars across the front and they put me in there and locked it up and went away.  Oh, they also took the cuffs off, cuz now I was in a cage and maybe I didn’t need them.  Maybe some other dude did!  Anyway, now I’m in this thing like a cage, and of course I’m lookin out through the bars to see what I can see.

First thing that grabs you is a big hunk of concrete, like a runway for a plane, a small plane of course, because it didn’t look like a mile long or anything.  Then there were a lot of wooden buildings lined up around it, mostly sort of long and narrow, though most of them I couldn’t see very much of, because of the bars and I had to crane my neck.  It looked kind of like that old army base I saw from the freeway, but everything was painted brown and it obviously wasn’t supposed to be some kind of exhibit of fighting spirit or pride or whatever, and actually if the roofs hadn’t been so straight and clean you would have said that maybe it was abandoned.

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 11

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 11: Come On In—We’re Open

The place didn’t look like much.  It looked sorta like a motel and sorta like a grade school—one story, flat roof, glass doors, dorky lookin sign . . . .  But there were lots of plants around, so you couldn’t see everything.  I guess I was too nervous to be disappointed, but I’d expected something more impressive.  I looked at my phone.  I was 20 minutes early.

So what now?  Would I get in trouble if I was early?  Disobeying orders!  OK, I’d wait.  I’d spend my last few minutes just hanging out, thinking.

I looked around.  There was a bus stop on the corner, and a bench with nobody on it.  I sat down there and looked back at the SLP building across the street.  I could see some more of it now.   Behind the office building or whatever, there was a long concrete wall, with razor wire on top.  I hadn’t seen much razor wire in my life, just in bad neighborhoods I guess.  It was used to keep people out of places.  Like junk yards.  Or the back of some storage place.  But the stuff I was looking at–that was obviously to keep people in.  People like me!  Once I went through those doors, I’d be inside the razor wire.

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Island Paradise – Part 2: Chapter 10

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By Joshua Ryan

Chapter 10: So Long!

That was on a Friday, so maybe that’s why I didn’t hear from SLPOUTREACH until Monday.  Which is when I read:

“SLP Participant Barlow:  You have completed Step 4.  Permission to proceed to Step 5 will be transmitted within the next three weeks.”

I was all serious serious serious when I opened the email, cuz I expected to see some big heavy statement, and then I felt like, “Oh.  OK.  What do I do now?”  I didn’t really have anything to do except to keep going to school, which at least got me out of seeing my parents.  I read in a book about some guy that was gonna be executed, and they gave him X amount of time to “put his affairs in order.”  But I didn’t have any affairs; I just went back to school.

I knew that the SLP would come through with my orders, and I would do what they told me.  Maybe you’re wondering, hey, you’re an American, how could they, like, enforce this commitment you signed?  I mean, how could they come and get you, if you changed your mind?   You’re right—they couldn’t.  I had time on my hands, so I looked it up.  Under “extradition.”  The only way they could get me was if I actually went to St. B.  But that’s what I’d agreed to do.

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