Tag Archives: Safety

Daily Thread

A newbie wants help breaking into the local gay bondage scene

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A Metalbond reader recently sent me this via email:

Dear Metal,

I’m 33 years old, gay male. I’m looking to sort of “ease into” local gay BDSM. I’m a bit sexually shy, but I have, as long as I can remember, found myself attracted to BDSM. I’ve finally worked up the nerve to try and get into it beyond looking at websites. I’m looking for advice on how or where I should go in New York City to meet some people. If you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

My response:

A great place to start is the New York Bondage Club. They meet on Sunday nights at Paddles on 26th Street. You can join in the action if you like, or just watch, and it is great place (in my opinion) for beginners.

The education-focused GMSMA (Gay Male S/M Activists) closed down several years back, but some of the alumni from this organization have formed BDSMU, which bills itself as “a new organization focused on building education and camaraderie in the NYC kink community.” They offer monthly events at the Eagle NYC. You can connect with BDSMU via their Facebook page.

Workshops and classes on various topics are also offered at The Leather Man (primarily gay men) and Purple Passion / DV8 (a more “heteroflexible” crowd) on various topics. Check their websites for class offerings, times and dates.

Also, if you haven’t already done so, should put up a profile on Recon. There are lots of local guys out there, and if you get the app you might find (since this in New York Fuckin’ City) that some very hot bondage stud is closer than you can imagine! And he can’t wait to get his hands on a horny newcomer like you!

When you do meet up with someone, be sure to be careful! That means meeting in a public place before going home with the guy, telling someone where you are going, etc. You might find this article from the Anti-Violence Project especially helpful.

Have fun — and send me an email sometime telling me about your adventures!

—Metal

jpeg-1BDSMU

 

 

Daily Thread

Be careful when hooking up online

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Hey fellas, time to get serious for a moment.

There have been a number of serious incidents here in NYC in recent weeks involving gay men getting murdered after hooking up with other men they met online. These incidents have received widespread media attention in the local papers and TV news broadcasts.

Guys, PLEASE be careful when meeting up with new guys for sex play … ESPECIALLY if it involves bondage! Here are some tips that you might find useful:

  • If you are going to seek a play partner out online, I would strongly suggest you stick to a tried-and-true profile site like Recon, and avoid Craig’s List. (With Craig’s List, especially if you are going for bondage play, you are just taking too big a risk, in my opinion.)
  • When you are on a site like Recon, the guy’s profile will give you a much better sense of him. Does he have multiple pictures of himself available? Do they match? How long has he has had a profile on the site? Does he have friends listed whom you know? Check with some of those guys. Use your common sense.
  • Definitely make sure someone knows where you are going. That means giving a trusted buddy the guy’s contact information. (Whenever I invite somebody over here to tie up for the first time, I always send the guy my full name, address and phone number with a note, “feel free to give this information to a trusted friend, so that somebody knows where you are.”)
  • If you don’t have a buddy to act as your “safety,” then get one. Don’t worry, you don’t have to go into detail with your safety buddy about what you are doing or getting into, if you are uncomfortable or embarrassed sharing that information. Your buddy is not going to judge you, and you can return the favor for him next time.
  • You might want to consider meeting the guy in a public place, like at a bar or coffee shop, before going back to his place for the action.
  • Even better, go to a public play space like the New York Bondage Club to play for the first time.
  • If you are tied up at a play party with lots of other guys around and things get out of hand, you can always yell the universal safe word, which is “safe word!”
  • Another thing to consider, if you are going to get tied up by another guy for the first time, is that it is probably better to go to HIS place and not have him over to your place. Is there a doorman or security camera where he lives? That’s a plus for you.

Again, make sure that someone knows where you are going!!!

For more information on how to hook up safely, a really great resource is the New York City Anti Violence Project (AVP) … they have a 24-hour hotline — 212-714-1141 — as well as safety tips and a video available by clicking here.

Daily Thread

The dangers of nitrous oxide

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I just got back from the hospital, where I visited a local friend and play buddy who has been unresponsive for the past week and a half after a solo play accident involving nitrous oxide canisters — which are also commonly known as whipped cream chargers, “whippits,” “whippets” or “nangs.”

Everyone should be aware that using these canisters is dangerous. It can lead to serious physical harm, including brain damage or even death.

Please use caution.

Daily Thread

Everybody needs to read this

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Hey guys, this is really important, seriously.

Yet another one of us — “Spuds” — has apparently died in a play accident. I read about this on the blog of Rubber Canuck. Spuds is one of many others, including the men listed below, who have lost their lives in scene-related accidents:

James (Bodisama)

David (TieGuy) in the UK

Alejandro Bulaevsky (BikeRubber) found dead in full rubber in his NYC apartment

Bill (Bostoncuir)

David (Gummidawg)

Rubberpanther

Adrian Exley

I do not claim to have any firsthand knowledge of how any of the men listed above died. I only know what I have read online.

But it is really important that if you are playing with hoods, gags, breath restriction, or chemicals of any kind, that you know what the fuck you are doing. Yes, bondage and edge play can harden the dick, but don’t be careless with your life. Have a safety mechanism in place, a failsafe, a backup plan, a bondage buddy, whatever.

 

To read Rubber Canuck’s report on this latest incident involving Spuds, click here.

Daily Thread

From today’s New York Times

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Designer, 26, Found Dead in Apartment in Manhattan

 

Alejandro Bulaevsky was an accomplished lighting designer whose paths around the nation and world were well chronicled. On Tuesday, the New York police spent the day trying to learn how Mr. Bulaevsky, 26, ended up dead on the floor of his Lower Manhattan apartment — his body wrapped in a latex suit, his hands cuffed behind his back, his face covered by a gas mask.

“It’s a mystery, but they’ll figure it out in the end,” one investigator said.

Paul Browne, the Police Department’s chief spokesman said, “One aspect of the investigation would be to determine whether his death was related in any way to a fetish involving latex.”

To read the complete article, click here.

Daily Thread

Do not play Russian roulette

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Hey guys I have to get serious for a moment.  Really, this is important.

I have just learned that not one but TWO men have DIED within the past week alone, as the result of solo breath play. I don’t know the specific details of either of these incidents, but someone I know and trust has told me about them.

Apparently both of these guys were somehow cutting off their air while also playing with restraints. One of them might have been using recreational drugs at the same time, as well.

As I mentioned, I don’t know the details, just the big picture.

The fact is, breath control play is REALLY DANGEROUS — even with at least two people in the room.  It is NEVER a good idea to do this kind of play on your own.  People die this way all the time, probably many more than ever get reported in the news or within bdsm circles.  Even famous celebrities have died this way.

Listen, I don’t care how powerful your ejaculation might be — it’s simply NOT WORTH THE RISK to yourself and your loved ones. Find another way to get off. Rent porn movies instead, or take up fisting, or hire go-go boys. Just don’t suffocate yourself to cum. It’s not worth gambling your very life over. Can you imagine the HORROR your partner, your landlady, your neighbor or even your MOTHER will feel when they come into your room to find your lifeless body, wearing a gas mask or a hose around your neck and an open bottle of poppers in your hand? Don’t let that happen!

Seriously. And if you absolutely CANNOT GET OFF without strangling yourself, by all means — please — get somebody to be there with you.  If you don’t have a friend you can tell about your kink, make one.

Just don’t do solo breath play, ever.

Never, ever.