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100 Hours in Solitary – Part 04

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By Socalbd

I must have drifted off to sleep as the lights turning on woke me up.  I was on my side facing into the cell and the sudden bright light coming on brought me out of my sleep.

There were sounds within the facility.  A door that opened and closed.  A toilet flushing.  Someone walking heavy in the hallway.  Then silence.  More silence.

The pod door opened and the guard entered with breakfast.  It was a repeat of yesterday.  Another meal of protein bar, banana and dry cereal.  The cereal was in a box likely from a mixed set of kid’s cereal choices sold at Costco or Sam’s Club.  Other than the banana and peanut butter sandwiches, almost all the food was pre-packaged items.  Again, very little expense was put out for this inmate’s survival.  It was the bare minimum.  Thoughts again came to me of my being warehoused.  Nothing was to be provided to me that would be considered beyond sufficient.

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100 Hours in Solitary – Part 03

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By Socalbd

When the lights came on, I woke up.  The bright glaring light was impossible on this morning to ignore.  There was talking from the hallway I couldn’t make out.  At least two people were having a conversation.  I heard steel doors open and close.  And then it went quiet.  Being in solitary means being ignored.  Whoever they were they had to know someone was on the other side of the door.  But they didn’t care.  I was just an inmate in solitary.  No need to worry about me.  No need to check on me.

The pod door opened and a guard entered.  He sat a bag of food on the flat steel food slot of the cell door and then left the pod closing the hallway door.  No conversation.  No exchange of the bag from the dinner meal the night before.  Just a delivery to be made.  A banana, protein bars, and a box of dry cereal were in the bag.  The first meal that didn’t include a peanut butter sandwich.

Continue reading 100 Hours in Solitary – Part 03 →

Story

100 Hours in Solitary – Part 02

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By Socalbd

I woke up every couple of hours.  At some point when I was awake for a few moments, I saw a sliver of light in the pod coming from an air vent on the outer wall of the common area.  What time it was I couldn’t tell.  I assumed it was early morning, but I didn’t really know and rolled over and went back to sleep.

I woke up when I heard the pod door open. The lights had been turned on at some point.  The guard was back and ordered me up.  A bag was in his hand.  I remembered to grab the bag from the night before and we switched bags.  He walked away.

Breakfast was a peanut butter sandwich and a banana.  Prior to the experience my friends and I discussed food as punishment as part of the experience.  The topic of having the same meal in succession over and over again came up.  This was the start.

Continue reading 100 Hours in Solitary – Part 02 →

Story

100 Hours in Solitary – Part 01

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By Socalbd

This wasn’t an experience that was suggested to me.  It’s something I wanted to do.  Paid a fee to rent the space.  Enlisted some friends to join in as fellow inmates and guards.  Arranged for five nights and six days to be in isolated solitary confinement.

100 hours is what it ended up being.  100 hours with limited human interaction. 100 hours of time locked up primarily in a 7-by-7-foot cell.  100 hours of nothing but the walls, the bars, the steel bunk and my own mind to keep me company.  No books.  No magazines.  No cell mate.  Just the sounds of the prison periodically traveling through the HVAC ducts and even that was limited. Hours upon hours of silence other than the gentle humming of the air through the vents.

Why?

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Story

Letters from Prison – Part 03

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Day 3

Saturday, March 8, 2025

It’s morning again.  There is a crow or some other squawking bird that wakes me up today.  Again, the light, the sun, is just starting to rise and illuminate my cell.  Yes, I’m still locked in a cell – 3 concrete walls painted institutional off white, the grey steel door and grey bunks.  Even the floor is grey.  And the stainless-steel sink/combination toilet without a toilet seat.  I have to sit on the rim.

This pen sucks.  The rubbery feel and movement make my writing so hard.  I have to think about each letter and write slowly and with precision.  The result doesn’t look like that.  Sorry.

I didn’t sleep well.  I think the chain gang work and being in the direct sun took a lot out of me.  I was awake when one of the flashlight cell checks happened.  I’m not sure if the guard caught I was awake or even cared.  I’m just a number here.  A count to be made.

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Story

Letters from Prison – Part 02

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By Socalbd

Day 2

Friday, March 7, 2025

Good morning,

Light is barely coming into the cell from the window.  It’s dawn.  I thought I would write my thoughts throughout the day as they came to me so this might be disjointed.

The sound of a flushing toilet woke me.  It took me a couple of hours to get to sleep last night, but I finally did sleep.  I woke up to realize I’m still in prison – and alone in solitary.  The coarse blanket they give us is one of the many reminders I’m in prison.

Another toilet flushes.  It’s never quiet even when it’s quiet.  The constant hum of the air vent pushing air into my cell never stops.  It’s doing time, too, just like me.  The humming is always there, and the air is never still.

More toilets flushing.  Will I stay in solitary today?  Maybe I’ll get to see and talk to someone.  Anyone.  I can’t believe how lonely it is.  It’s lonely.  I’m lonely.

A couple of months before this the corrections department assigned two people to me – an inmate liaison and a guard.  They were to help me “transition in” by being able to answer questions.  It was all through text messaging – when I had a phone.

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Story

Letters from Prison – Part 01

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By Socalbd

Background: I recently spent four days as an inmate during a live action roleplay.  The event took place at a closed but partially refurbished maximum-security prison.  This was my first time doing something like this, and I knew I wanted to keep a journal about my experience.  However, I wanted to stay in the headspace as much as I could.  More about that below.  To say it was the experience of a lifetime would be an understatement.  But more than that, the community of men I spent four days with was incredible.  I was honored to share this experience with them.  My thanks to the organizers for their countless hours of preparation.  Special thanks to those that had my back, physically and mentally, and allowed me to ride the range of emotions that challenged, scared and comforted me over the four days.

The letters:  I arranged with the captain of the guard prior to the event to be able to “write” letters home to family.  I would be provided with paper, pen and envelopes in my cell.  When there was time, I would write my letters.  Each evening, I would place the letter in an open envelope and have it delivered to the captain of the guard.  He could read the letter, check it for any information not permitted to be revealed about the prison (he would line out any such writing), he could write comments in the margins if he wanted, and would then “mail” the letter for me.  Mailing meant placing the letter in my duffel bag that was being stored during the event.   At the end of the event the letters would be waiting for me inside the bag, and I would be able to go back and read them along with any edits the captain of the guard made.

Continue reading Letters from Prison – Part 01 →