By Joshua Ryan
I realized that I’d wanted something new to happen to me, but I had no idea how quickly it would happen. As the man says in “Heart of Darkness,” “the changes take place inside, you know.” Which means that they can happen at the speed of light. When we got back to Jerry’s house I wasn’t walking in as a guest; I was walking in as a prisoner escorted by an officer of the law. It was hard for me to talk. Everyone else seemed freer and looser than they’d been before. Dean seemed to be talking and smiling even more. When people started to leave, I was amazed that they could get through the door without permission. When I left, it was like I was sneaking away before the guards could catch me.
I spent the next few days huddling in the condo — which had never been mine and now felt like some illegal squat. I got drunk and jerked as if that was my true profession. Ten days later, I was riffling through my junk mail and found an envelope that was long and heavy and return-addressed to a PO box that looked decidedly official. It had been mailed to somebody named Meres Steven Curtis. Oh, shit. That little drive with Dean hadn’t been a daydream after all.
I ripped open the envelope and yes, it was a message from the
