Tag Archives: In Memoriam

Daily Thread

James Bondage

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I heard today the sad news that Jim Boyd of New Jersey, aka “James Bond” / “James Bondage” has passed away.

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Jim was one of the first men to ever tie me up. The year was 1992, and I was a young kid who had just moved to New York City to explore his interest in bondage and kink. That naturally led me to the New York Bondage Club, which met Friday nights at J’s Hangout at the time. On my very first visit, I met Bob Wingate, editor and publisher of Bound and Gagged magazine, and “James Bond,” who was a photographer for Bound and Gagged. Having been a longtime reader (and beater offer) of Bound and Gagged when I lived in much smaller towns Michigan and Texas, I was thrilled to meet these two bondage celebrities in person.

When Jim and Bob asked me if I wanted to be tied up, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! They proceeded to rope me down to a floating bondage board, and they kept me tied down for the next two or three hours. It was a fantastic initiation to the Bondage Club! It’s no surprise, after that hot experience, that I became a regular at the Bondage Club, attending almost every Friday night for years.

At the start of each meeting, Jim would gather all the men in a large circle around the pool table, and he would get everyone to introduce himself and tell the group what he was into and what he was looking for that night. Then, every single week, after everyone had said something, Jim would utter his immortal phrase, “OK men, it’s time to pair off and sniff armpits” … and then the fun would begin.

 

To read even more about Jim and see some of his pictures, keep an eye on Bob Wingate’s Blog.

 

Metal would like to thank Max Cita for the picture above.

Daily Thread

Gene Kahn

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Yesterday evening I was out sailing on Hudson River with some friends when I got an email on my iPhone and learned the sad news that Gene Kahn had passed away earlier in the day.

Gene Kahn

 

According to the message, which was from two of his closest friends, he died of complications from heart failure and his death was completely unforseen. He passed from this Earth experiencing no pain, and “with his boots on.”

Gene was a longtime friend of mine. One of my very first encounters with him was way back in the mid-1990s, when I attended an out-of-town play event called Delta for the first time. It was Friday night and I had been in the main playroom for a couple hours, just watching, and acting a bit shy and self-conscious. When Gene noticed me hanging back on the sidelines, he came over and struck up a conversation. Before I knew it, he had me bent over a sawhorse, pants pulled down to my ankles, where he proceeded to give me a loving but very firm bare-assed hand spanking that went on for quite a while. When it was over — and I had not died of embarrassment as I had feared — a message stuck in the back of my mind, about just “jumping in.”

Lesson learned, I ended up having a fantastic time at the event, playing almost nonstop for the subsequent three days, and I returned many times over the years, often as a passenger in Gene’s rickety old beat up station wagon.

Gene wore many hats, and he was passionate about everything he ever did. He was a carpenter by trade, and I hired him on many occasions to help me in my apartment, installing cabinets and shelves. He had a couple of Dachshunds, whom he doted over like children. He was a cyclist, and in recent years he had taken to riding “fixed-gear” bikes. (If you don’t know what that means, let me just say that you have to be a real daredevil to ride one of these in New York City! )

He was not much interested in bondage, but he sure was kinky in other ways. He was skilled with a single tail whip, and he would spend hours practicing.

Gene was also a sailor, and he wrote a fantastic book on the subject, called Deep Water: A Sailor’s Passage (available on Amazon). It’s one of the most heartfelt, deeply moving books I have ever read. In it, Gene explains his love of sailing and also his love for one man — his life partner, Kevin.

It wasn’t until after Gene’s book came out that I ever even stepped foot on a sailboat, but now I love it. It’s funny how things happen sometimes, that I was out sailing when I learned about Gene.

Sail on, buddy. I am going to miss you.

 

E. M. Kahn gene kahn

Daily Thread

Remembering Augie

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Augie

Remembering Augie

By Gil Kessler

August Kalin passed away in New York City on April 4, 2011, following a major stroke two weeks earlier. Augie was 55. He was born in Syracuse, NY, and lived most of his life in the state. For the last five and a half years he lived with me in a wonderful Sir/boy relationship, both in New York City’s Greenwich Village and at our country home near Port Jervis, NY.

Augie was intelligent, creative, loving and handsome. He was “harleyxr” on Recon, and had many dear friends. We first met at the 1993 March on Washington for Gay Rights when a group of us in leather left the hotel and passed this innocent waif standing on the corner. He asked if we knew where the Eagle was. “Come with us, little boy” was our response, and later in the evening I took him “home.” That began our friendship, culminating in Augie’s moving in with me in October 2005.

He had several careers, including managing a 12 million gallon petroleum bulk facility for Sunoco, working for the NYC Parks Department as a gardener, and reorganizing and running the offices of a Brooklyn construction company. He converted the second floor of our country garage into a large dungeon (including innovative equipment), and had many fun scenes there. He especially loved clothespins, bondage, flogging and rubber, and his interest in photography leaves me with many wonderful pictures.

Augie was an avid motorcyclist, and rode all over the US. His first trip abroad was with me to London, then Costa Rica, then Turkey and Greece. Very favorite book: Lord of the Rings; favorite opera: Barber of Seville; favorite music group: ABBA; favorite classical music: Gil playing Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in C# Minor on the piano; beloved pet: Jake, the basset hound, still living upstate with Augie’s previous lover (and our good friend) Paul.

For many years, Augie was a member of GMSMA, Delta, and TES. He took the Novices SIG in 2005, then we shared the teaching of the course each year since. He took very good care of me (now I’ll have to even relearn how to cook!), and I will miss him so very much.

Augie is survived by his mother, sisters, and brother. He passed peacefully in hospice, his hand in mine.

Daily Thread

Marching to the beat of a different drummer

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JOHN H. EMBRY 1926-2010

John H. Embry, pioneer gay author, publisher and activist, died in his sleep at the age of 83 on the morning of Thursday, September 16, 2010 at his home in San Francisco.

After a successful career in advertising and marketing, John founded the groundbreaking magazine Drummer, which became the most successful national publication for gay men in the leather lifestyle.

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John published the magazine from its inception in 1975 until 1986, when he sold it.

John and founding Editor Jeanne Barney shared a vision: To produce a magazine that celebrated the masculine gay male, while embracing the literary values of the Evergreen Review, a publication famous for content that was counter to the culture and sexy. As such, they attracted such talent as Phil Andros (Sam Steward), Scott Masters (Edward Menerth), Fred Halsted, Tom of Finland, Harry Bush and Robert Opel, among others.

It is impossible to overstate the importance of Drummer. For the first time, gay men across the country – particularly gay men in small-town America – saw masculine images of themselves and not the stereotypes presented in mainstream media. Through their encounter with Drummer, many gay men realized that there were others like themselves “out there.” At the same time, the magazine highlighted gay leather bars and businesses and gave those establishments a national venue.

The impact became even greater when, because of police harassment in LA, the magazine moved to San Francisco in 1977, generating an influx of gay Leathermen to the Bay Area.

Drummer was a significant contributor to the creation of the international Leather Community and gave birth to such famous San Francisco social events as the California Motorcycle Club (CMC) Carnival and the Mr. Drummer contest.

 

“Drummer presented an image of gay men previously unknown to me. When I saw the photos of the hot guys having fun at the Drummer parties in San Francisco, I gave two weeks notice and headed West.”

— Jerry Lasley, Embry’s business partner and husband

“John Embry was a pioneer of Leather who made gay male Leather/SM writing and art available to a whole generation of Leathermen. Those men were inspired and creatively brought out by his Drummer and other magazines over a 35-year period of Leather history. His influence is still felt today in gay men’s mass media, not just porn, but in mainstream gay media of all kinds from movies to art and writing!”

— Peter Fisk, longtime San Francisco Leather community organizer

“Most of us may never have had the introduction to this Leather scene had it not been for John Embry and the Original DRUMMER Magazine he started and published. I know it’s how I first realized I wasn’t alone in all my perverted fantasies. Finding that Drummer magazine on a newsstand in New Orleans in 1981 changed my life, and you can see where it all led for me. Tens of thousands of guys worldwide read Drummer every month and felt a bonding connection to each other because of it. John died peacefully last month here in San Francisco. His legacy stands for itself. I wonder if he realized what he was creating when he was in the middle of it all.”

— Richard “Big Daddy” Hunter, owner of Mr S

“When I was a young teen, my family moved to a new city (Bedford/Temperance, Michigan) in the middle of the school year (one of the worst things you can do to a kid) where I was thrust into to a very WASPy school. Yeah, it was rough. I knew nobody and they were just looking for a target. What made matters a bit worse was that I was one of those future Gay Kinsters who was discovering he was KINKY …  before he discovered he liked MEN. I remember lusting over football uniforms, wrestling singlets, the motorcycle leathers in the SEARS catalog, etc.

“Since my parents didn’t pick up on how scared shitless I was to go to school each day and that I didn’t have friends (and my father could really care less), I’d go to the library after school. I tried to figure out my fascination for fetishes. This led me to books on sexuality where they always had a few pages on Fetish … and BDSM. And at the back of the book were the references. Where I found DRUMMER MAGAZINE.

“*A lot* of who I am today is by Drummer Magazine. At first, with a Post Office Box, I just ordered back issues with money orders. Got a subscription shortly after. Yes, at age 16.

“Each month that I got the magazine, I would have a masturbation marathon. Reading each magazine from front to cover several times. I’d also get on other mailing lists that I found in the advertisements. Which is where I discovered another influence, Mr S Leather (great article at that link on Drummer Magazine)

“I read today that the Publisher of Drummer, John Embry, passed away recently. While I never knew the man, I read his stuff and wish I could tell him thanks. I learned much from his magazine. I learned about HIV/AIDS prevention from his magazine wayyy before I got any kind of education at School or anywhere else. There was also many articles about the importance of respect, safe & consenting sex, roles and brotherhood.

“So, many thanks to you, John. I’ll see you later in that big dungeon in the sky.”

— Ruff, author of the popular Ruff’s Stuff bondage and SM blog

Drummer magazine publisher John Embry, who has died (1926-2010), hired me as founding San Francisco editor in chief of Drummer in 1977. Developing Drummer during the Titanic 1970s, Embry and I worked on leather articles intensely and then intermittently through 2002. He will be missed by the thousands of writers, artists, photographers, and staff who created Drummer.

— Jack Fritscher

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Daily Thread

Bruce died last year while playing solo with a plastic bag

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By Brian

Last year in January, Bruce, a dear friend (pictured above), died because he was playing solo, alone in his bed with a plastic bag on his head and a vial of poppers in his hand.

I only knew Bruce a couple of years, but we hit it of instantly, because he knew EXACTLY what I was thinking when we played, and I could somehow read him too. He’d have me tied down and he would somehow know just when to squeeze that nipple, tighten that restraint, or add something new to the scene to keep the excitement and adrenaline in full swing.

One night after everyone had gone to sleep, I was lying next to him in his bedroom, and he pulled out the bag and poppers and I watched as he suffocated himself to orgasm.

I remember saying, “You did that because I was here, right? You never do that when you are alone?” He told me, reassured me, that no he didn’t do it when he was alone. But there was a pile of plastic bags in the corner there always was, I sort of knew that maybe he did play like that when he was alone.

When I found out that he had died, and how he died, it made me sick. His closest friends, the people he lived with, were constantly warning him — don’t do that shit alone. Oh fuck, I wish he would have just listened.

I think what happens is it starts out pretty benign, you do a little, here and there, and before you know it, it becomes routine. And then one day, the routine ends.

If you must do breath play, don’t do it alone. Not once, not ever, and if you’ve done it alone before, never do it again. No one orgasm is worth giving up a lifetime of orgasms.

I loved Bruce, and I still miss Bruce to this day, damn it. And I’m still angry as hell at him for what he did.

For godsake, don’t do breath play alone.

 

Metalbond would like to thank Brian for posting the above to the comments section a few days ago. It is re-posted here as a main listing, with the blessing of Bruce’s surviving partner, Duane, who sent the following note:

“Time after time I told him not to do this alone! But like Bruce he came to me doing this, and left me this way. I had told him over and over my biggest fear was to find him dead — at least it was in his bedroom and not in the playroom! Try to explain that to all the people that were here that day! This just needs to STOP! Thank you!”

Thanks, Duane, for sharing. Hopefully this information will help save a life or two.

Daily Thread

From today’s New York Times

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Designer, 26, Found Dead in Apartment in Manhattan

 

Alejandro Bulaevsky was an accomplished lighting designer whose paths around the nation and world were well chronicled. On Tuesday, the New York police spent the day trying to learn how Mr. Bulaevsky, 26, ended up dead on the floor of his Lower Manhattan apartment — his body wrapped in a latex suit, his hands cuffed behind his back, his face covered by a gas mask.

“It’s a mystery, but they’ll figure it out in the end,” one investigator said.

Paul Browne, the Police Department’s chief spokesman said, “One aspect of the investigation would be to determine whether his death was related in any way to a fetish involving latex.”

To read the complete article, click here.