Tag Archives: In Memoriam

Marching to the beat of a different drummer

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JOHN H. EMBRY 1926-2010

John H. Embry, pioneer gay author, publisher and activist, died in his sleep at the age of 83 on the morning of Thursday, September 16, 2010 at his home in San Francisco.

After a successful career in advertising and marketing, John founded the groundbreaking magazine Drummer, which became the most successful national publication for gay men in the leather lifestyle.

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John published the magazine from its inception in 1975 until 1986, when he sold it.

John and founding Editor Jeanne Barney shared a vision: To produce a magazine that celebrated the masculine gay male, while embracing the literary values of the Evergreen Review, a publication famous for content that was counter to the culture and sexy. As such, they attracted such talent as Phil Andros (Sam Steward), Scott Masters (Edward Menerth), Fred Halsted, Tom of Finland, Harry Bush and Robert Opel, among others.

It is impossible to overstate the importance of Drummer. For the first time, gay men across the country – particularly gay men in small-town America – saw masculine images of themselves and not the stereotypes presented in mainstream media. Through their encounter with Drummer, many gay men realized that there were others like themselves “out there.” At the same time, the magazine highlighted gay leather bars and businesses and gave those establishments a national venue.

The impact became even greater when, because of police harassment in LA, the magazine moved to San Francisco in 1977, generating an influx of gay Leathermen to the Bay Area.

Drummer was a significant contributor to the creation of the international Leather Community and gave birth to such famous San Francisco social events as the California Motorcycle Club (CMC) Carnival and the Mr. Drummer contest.

 

“Drummer presented an image of gay men previously unknown to me. When I saw the photos of the hot guys having fun at the Drummer parties in San Francisco, I gave two weeks notice and headed West.”

— Jerry Lasley, Embry’s business partner and husband

“John Embry was a pioneer of Leather who made gay male Leather/SM writing and art available to a whole generation of Leathermen. Those men were inspired and creatively brought out by his Drummer and other magazines over a 35-year period of Leather history. His influence is still felt today in gay men’s mass media, not just porn, but in mainstream gay media of all kinds from movies to art and writing!”

— Peter Fisk, longtime San Francisco Leather community organizer

“Most of us may never have had the introduction to this Leather scene had it not been for John Embry and the Original DRUMMER Magazine he started and published. I know it’s how I first realized I wasn’t alone in all my perverted fantasies. Finding that Drummer magazine on a newsstand in New Orleans in 1981 changed my life, and you can see where it all led for me. Tens of thousands of guys worldwide read Drummer every month and felt a bonding connection to each other because of it. John died peacefully last month here in San Francisco. His legacy stands for itself. I wonder if he realized what he was creating when he was in the middle of it all.”

— Richard “Big Daddy” Hunter, owner of Mr S

“When I was a young teen, my family moved to a new city (Bedford/Temperance, Michigan) in the middle of the school year (one of the worst things you can do to a kid) where I was thrust into to a very WASPy school. Yeah, it was rough. I knew nobody and they were just looking for a target. What made matters a bit worse was that I was one of those future Gay Kinsters who was discovering he was KINKY …  before he discovered he liked MEN. I remember lusting over football uniforms, wrestling singlets, the motorcycle leathers in the SEARS catalog, etc.

“Since my parents didn’t pick up on how scared shitless I was to go to school each day and that I didn’t have friends (and my father could really care less), I’d go to the library after school. I tried to figure out my fascination for fetishes. This led me to books on sexuality where they always had a few pages on Fetish … and BDSM. And at the back of the book were the references. Where I found DRUMMER MAGAZINE.

“*A lot* of who I am today is by Drummer Magazine. At first, with a Post Office Box, I just ordered back issues with money orders. Got a subscription shortly after. Yes, at age 16.

“Each month that I got the magazine, I would have a masturbation marathon. Reading each magazine from front to cover several times. I’d also get on other mailing lists that I found in the advertisements. Which is where I discovered another influence, Mr S Leather (great article at that link on Drummer Magazine)

“I read today that the Publisher of Drummer, John Embry, passed away recently. While I never knew the man, I read his stuff and wish I could tell him thanks. I learned much from his magazine. I learned about HIV/AIDS prevention from his magazine wayyy before I got any kind of education at School or anywhere else. There was also many articles about the importance of respect, safe & consenting sex, roles and brotherhood.

“So, many thanks to you, John. I’ll see you later in that big dungeon in the sky.”

— Ruff, author of the popular Ruff’s Stuff bondage and SM blog

Drummer magazine publisher John Embry, who has died (1926-2010), hired me as founding San Francisco editor in chief of Drummer in 1977. Developing Drummer during the Titanic 1970s, Embry and I worked on leather articles intensely and then intermittently through 2002. He will be missed by the thousands of writers, artists, photographers, and staff who created Drummer.

— Jack Fritscher

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Bruce died last year while playing solo with a plastic bag

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By Brian

Last year in January, Bruce, a dear friend (pictured above), died because he was playing solo, alone in his bed with a plastic bag on his head and a vial of poppers in his hand.

I only knew Bruce a couple of years, but we hit it of instantly, because he knew EXACTLY what I was thinking when we played, and I could somehow read him too. He’d have me tied down and he would somehow know just when to squeeze that nipple, tighten that restraint, or add something new to the scene to keep the excitement and adrenaline in full swing.

One night after everyone had gone to sleep, I was lying next to him in his bedroom, and he pulled out the bag and poppers and I watched as he suffocated himself to orgasm.

I remember saying, “You did that because I was here, right? You never do that when you are alone?” He told me, reassured me, that no he didn’t do it when he was alone. But there was a pile of plastic bags in the corner there always was, I sort of knew that maybe he did play like that when he was alone.

When I found out that he had died, and how he died, it made me sick. His closest friends, the people he lived with, were constantly warning him — don’t do that shit alone. Oh fuck, I wish he would have just listened.

I think what happens is it starts out pretty benign, you do a little, here and there, and before you know it, it becomes routine. And then one day, the routine ends.

If you must do breath play, don’t do it alone. Not once, not ever, and if you’ve done it alone before, never do it again. No one orgasm is worth giving up a lifetime of orgasms.

I loved Bruce, and I still miss Bruce to this day, damn it. And I’m still angry as hell at him for what he did.

For godsake, don’t do breath play alone.

 

Metalbond would like to thank Brian for posting the above to the comments section a few days ago. It is re-posted here as a main listing, with the blessing of Bruce’s surviving partner, Duane, who sent the following note:

“Time after time I told him not to do this alone! But like Bruce he came to me doing this, and left me this way. I had told him over and over my biggest fear was to find him dead — at least it was in his bedroom and not in the playroom! Try to explain that to all the people that were here that day! This just needs to STOP! Thank you!”

Thanks, Duane, for sharing. Hopefully this information will help save a life or two.

From today’s New York Times

Designer, 26, Found Dead in Apartment in Manhattan

 

Alejandro Bulaevsky was an accomplished lighting designer whose paths around the nation and world were well chronicled. On Tuesday, the New York police spent the day trying to learn how Mr. Bulaevsky, 26, ended up dead on the floor of his Lower Manhattan apartment — his body wrapped in a latex suit, his hands cuffed behind his back, his face covered by a gas mask.

“It’s a mystery, but they’ll figure it out in the end,” one investigator said.

Paul Browne, the Police Department’s chief spokesman said, “One aspect of the investigation would be to determine whether his death was related in any way to a fetish involving latex.”

To read the complete article, click here.

James Hatton passes away

James Hatton — who was known to many as Bodisama — died last week.

I never had the privilege of meeting or playing with him, but those who did spoke highly of him.

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Metalbond offers his sincere condolences to James’ partner of more than 14 years, Matt, a person we should all keep in our thoughts.

More information is available by clicking here.

Jack McGeorge

I learned over the weekend with great sadness about the death of Jack McGeorge.

Jack McGeorge

Jack was into some very serious locking metal bondage — among many other interests and life passions. And he was completely out and open about his interests, not only in his personal life but in his work and professional life as well.

I will always remember the GMSMA meeting in New York several years back when Jack locked me in a cravat in front of about 100 other guys. He asked for a volunteer, and I must have been the first guy to raise his hand. And he told a great story about flying home from overseas with spiked leg irons in his luggage, and telling the security agents all about them and what they were for.

You can read more about Jack on Lolita’s blog. Click here.