By The Inmate
As many of you will be aware, there have been numerous posts with reference to an Inmate who was confined to a padded cell for an extended period.
That Inmate was me, and as promised, I now intend to describe the experience.
Firstly, if you are looking for something of a bondage and/or sexual theme, you will be disappointed and might as well look elsewhere now. What I do want to convey are the real feelings associated with extended confinement.
This concept was discussed at length with The Warden over a period of more than a year. This could only have worked with two people who had a very strong personal relationship and understanding of each other. This was indeed the case.
The time frame agreed on was approximately three weeks, as this was considered long enough to develop the realism desired without causing any long-term mental health issues.
The rules were such that once confined, the ONLY way out would be in the event of a major PHYSICAL emergency. There was no way the confinement could be stopped or early release effected for any other reason. I assure you, there were many times I wished I had not agreed to this condition!
I must also add that the cell was created and built entirely by The Warden. Until such time as I entered it, I had never seen it.
So at 11 a.m. on the 22nd of March 2010, I was hooded, placed in a canvas straitjacket and led into the cell. I have to say the start of confinement was delayed for a day due to external circumstances, so I was really keen to commence and was quite excited by the prospect.
I need to explain one thing first, though. I will be referring to periods as “days, daytime or night time.” Be aware that I had no indication of real time, so I am only referring to daytime as my concept of being awake for 16 hours and sleep time as approximately 8 hours. “Days” are only my concept of roughly how many sleeps I had had. Needless to say, I lost track of real time very quickly.
On being led into the cell, I was then also fitted into a single canvas leg binder that attached to, and became integral with, the straitjacket. The hood was a matching loose fitting canvas hood, which could be shaken off relatively easily.
So after shaking off the hood, I looked around at my new home.
It was a very professionally constructed cell measuring only 1.9 metres long by 0.9 metres wide. The padding was so well-constructed that the cell was almost airtight and was ventilated by forced air. The ceiling was fully mirrored with 6 high intensity LED lights that were never turned off for the whole time.
So here I was lying in the cell, quite excited by the prospect.
Then reality hit. So what happens now? Absolutely nothing. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was going to spend 3 whole weeks locked in here with no sound, no stimulus and no way out. I was going to spend 3 weeks looking at 4 padded walls of which you will read more later on.
My only companion in those early days was a water bottle.
The cell was totally bare, so toilet breaks were necessary. I thought this would be a good opportunity to get a break from the cell, but it didn’t work out that way.
The procedure (which was never at a time of my choosing) was to be forced to kneel at the far end of the cell with hands on the wall (if not in the straitjacket) and face pushed into the wall. The Warden would then enter with a rubber hood with one breathing hole only and place it on my head. I would then be frog marched out of the cell to the toilet and just to reinforce control, the air hole was randomly blocked for short periods making it impossible to breathe. Any resistance meant the air hole was blocked immediately, so resistance was futile. The process was then reversed with me being left kneeling against the far wall. The hood was removed but I was not allowed to move until The Warden had exited the cell and given me permission to change position via a small communication hole in the door. This meant that by the time I turned around, the cell door was locked and it was as if I had never been out of the cell. This meant that I never saw anything other than the 4 padded walls for the whole time. And only 2 words (orders) were ever spoken by The Warden.
As humiliating as this process was, I actually enjoyed it, as it broke the monotony of sitting in the cell with nothing to do.
There was very little bondage involved, as it didn’t need to be. The cell itself was the torture.
And yes, it was torture. The best, and only way I can describe it was total confinement, fear, lack of communication, silence and hour after hour of sheer mind numbing boredom.
I just cannot describe the boredom. It was infinitely harder than anything I had ever imagined.
So to keep my mind active, I started planning and thinking of all sorts of things. ANYTHING, absolutely anything to relieve the boredom.
I would look forward to anything to break the monotony, even a change in bondage.
Bondage, as indicated, was minimal. The real bondage was the confinement (did I mention the mind numbing boredom?) I spent probably 75% of the time in the straitjacket, but not always with the arms folded. Didn’t matter – it was just as frustrating. In fact, in a funny way, I actually grew to liking my arms folded in the straitjacket – it was, I think, akin to a security blanket that children have. I wore canvas and leather ankle cuffs the whole time and these were joined by a very short chain for the first 4-5 days. I grew to live with them, but hated them. Then there was the hood for toilet breaks and wrist cuffs that were often joined when I was out of the straitjacket.
The 2nd and 3rd days were particularly hard, as I had to live with the realization that there was no relief for a whole 3 weeks. That played on my mind heavily.
Sleep time was my escape. I longed for the time to come around when I was tired and would sleep. The middle of my day was the worst – time seemed to completely stop.
In sleep, I could escape and live a carefree, normal life. I dreaded waking up from a sleep and a pleasant dream because as soon as I opened my eyes, all I could see were 4 white canvas padded walls just like the previous day.
One night I had a vivid dream of a large cake consisting of a yellow meringue on red crabmeat mounted on the top of a green tortoise shell on a tropical beach with vivid blue water behind and a beautiful red sunset. Why? Because it had colour! Vivid colour. As I now realize, my whole time was spent devoid of colour. You just cannot imagine what it was like, when I was finally released, to look out the window and see colour. I actually cried.
And speaking of that, some days I handled the frustration and boredom reasonably well. On some days, there were periods where it just overwhelmed me and I burst into tears of despair and hopelessness. These periods were a real low time and I just cannot describe adequately the feeling of sinking into a total black abyss with no way out. For the whole time, I was riding an emotional rollercoaster and emotions could and did change from relative calm to total despair almost instantly. As an example, I was coping reasonably well one day when The Warden came in and simply the act of tightening one strap on my straitjacket sent me right off again. It was then, and similar times, when I realised just how much on the edge was my mental state.
On about the 3rd day my Warden took pity on me as I was having tremendous trouble sleeping with the bright lights. He threw in a small blindfold! That was a saviour! I was scared it would be taken away from me, but never was.
Similarly, I was lying on the floor one day in the jacket and leg binder (it’s impossible to stand up by yourself) when the unthinkable happened. The Warden appeared and placed a proper PILLOW under my head! It was absolute heaven. I lay there in comfort for the first time and even though it was the middle of my day, I was determined to make the most of it. I simply lay there and fell asleep in a microsecond. Again, I assumed it would be taken away later, but never was. To this day, I will never take a pillow for granted again.
I think it was small things like this that helped me keep my sanity. I’m sure The Warden will have more to say on that subject later.
Over the next few days, my leg chain was reduced in length until there was virtually no movement possible. It took me 25 paces to walk the length of the cell – all 1.9 metres of it.
I also had to accept the fact that everything in my life was controlled externally. Toilet breaks were not of my choosing – food, what little there was, appeared once a day when it suited The Warden. There was no chance of asking for anything – there was no one to listen. I simply had to wait until The Warden appeared.
I know which “wall” was the door. It had a small viewing hole in it (one way) for The Warden to look in, but eventually I came to see it as nothing more than a wall as I never saw it open.
A particularly bad incident happened roughly half way through that was really hard to cope with. Through no deliberate action on anyone’s part, but rather some very unfortunate circumstances (for me) I finished up staying awake for some 30 “real” hours straight. I can’t even start to describe how it felt to be totally sleep deprived and having to look at those walls for 30 hours straight. I honestly don’t know to this day how I managed it. I do however, now realise what a powerful psychological tool sleep deprivation is. I had another outburst of despair not long after this.
As each day wore on, it got harder and harder to handle the boredom. I thought prior to starting that of the 3 weeks, the hardest week would be the middle week, followed by the first week and the easiest week would be the last one. The rationale was that week 1 had an element of novelty to it and the last week I could look forward to release. The middle week would be the hard one to get through. This proved entirely wrong. The reality was that the hardest week by far was the last one and the middle week the easiest. This can be explained by the first week being so hard to deal with because of the thought of having to endure another 2 weeks of boredom. The last week was terrible – every day, every hour just got longer and longer and I got to the point where I just couldn’t stand looking at the walls any more. Sometimes the rubber hood was left in the cell and there were times when I put it on (when my hands were free) just so I didn’t have to look at the walls! (Did I mention the mind numbing boredom before?)
On what turned out to be my last day (although I never knew it), I actually woke up and realised I had reached the state where I didn’t care any more. I stopped trying to stay mentally active, as there just seemed no point any more and I found myself just staring at the wall. Obviously I had sunk to another level, but I don’t think I recognised it at the time.
After some time, I had another bout of depression and for not the first time I started hitting the wall with my fist out of frustration and despair. However, this time was more violent and resulted in what to me was savage retribution by The Warden. I was forced to kneel against the wall at which time the hood was placed on my head and left on; the arms in the straitjacket tightly wrapped around my body and the leg shackles replaced. I was left that way until I had calmed down and then still while hooded, everything in the cell, including my beloved pillow and blindfold, were removed with the comment these were privileges and had to be earned again. When I say everything, I mean just that. Even the straitjacket was removed. I had nothing. I was naked in a totally bare cell. I just about lost it at this stage.
After some time The Warden re-appeared at the viewing hole and asked if I wanted the straitjacket back. I was so desperate for anything I said yes. At that point I was hooded again and told to stand up to have the jacket refitted. However, a garment was then placed on me that I hadn’t felt before which turned out to be a dressing gown and I was then led away hooded.
It was over.
I was released at 3 p.m. on the 10th of April 2010, having spent 19 days or some 460 hours or 27,600 very long minutes incarcerated.
Whilst The Warden was very gentle and kind in handling my release, it came as a huge shock. Indeed, to say I was in genuine shock would be the truth. I had trouble comprehending it. I just sat for ages with my head in my hands. The relief was indescribable. After a while, the window was opened and I just couldn’t believe it. I was looking at COLOUR! Greenery, flowers and sounds such as birds. After 3 weeks of white canvas padded walls this was like a miracle.
That is my version of my incarceration.
I pass it on to any and all to give a serious insight into what it is like. The reality and the fantasy are vastly different.
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was in for, but in the end I realise I had no idea.
I could add more but I think that is more than enough to get some idea of what is involved.
I assure you that you will NEVER understand this fully unless you have been through it. And a lesser period of time would not allow the full experience to develop.
So what would have happened if it had gone on for another week? I don’t know, but I do know I was getting to, or at, the limit of my ability to handle it.
I am more than happy to answer questions you may have if they are serious and genuine. It pains me to read posts that indicate some people believe the whole thing was “staged.” I assure you it was very, very real and the experience will remain with me for the rest of my life.
To avoid having to answer the same questions many times, here are some answers to questions that I suspect will be asked:
Has it changed my life?
Yes, in a positive way
Has it scarred me permanently?
Was it tough mentally?
Yes – hardest mental thing I’ve ever done.
Were there times I wanted to give up?
Were there times I saw no end?
Would I have eventually gone insane?
How long would that have taken?
And the really big question: Would I do it again?
Make your own decision
Metalbond would like to thank the Inmate for this very insightful account.
To see more pictures of the Inmate’s ordeal, click on “Padded Cell Inmate,” below.
The Warden’s account will follow in a posting next Tuesday.
Sick Puppy writes:
Wow, and thanks so much for that report. It’s fascinating, and I can only begin to imagine the effects of being in that place that way. As you say, fantasy and reality don’t always match. But what an incredible thing to have done! And how lucky you are to have someone like the Warden in your life that you can trust in this way.
i believe that with a man like Warden i could handle it … but as u say the fantasy and reality don’t much … thank u for ur report lucky man.
I have several questions for you and the Warden that I hope you will answer:
(1) How did you indicate to the Warden that the situation was becoming unbearable? How did the Warden figure out that you were reaching your limits and it was time to intervene?
(2) When did the Warden decide to intervene to ease your discomfort (whether mental or physical or emotional)? For the times that the Warden decided to ignore your discomfort or protests, what informed his decision to ignore you? (Was he keeping to a schedule, was he responding to external instructions from external forces that may not be as aware or as immersed in the situation as the Warden was, was he trying to push your limits, was he just as weary of being captive of his responsibilities and was rebelling through inaction, was he punishing the Prisoner for being pushy, was the Warden testing out his own limits, etc?)
(3) What was the tipping point when the Prisoner would rather be bound (and have external stimulation) and when would the external stimulation be too much that he begged for release? Which of the bondage and restraint situations were the most difficult to bear? How was the relief from the surcease of physical stimulation different from the absence of stimulation? Now that the Prisoner has undergone both, what was the easier situation to bear?
(4) When was the Prisoner most difficult for the Warden? Was he ever punished? How?
(5) What was the hardest part of the experience for the Warden? Were there times when the Warden was tempted to go beyond or disagree with the instructions?
(6) Was the Prisoner informed of the reaction from the public who were keeping up with his experiences? How did it feel knowing that strangers were watching him and expecting certain things from the experience, that it wasn’t as private an experience as it would seem?
(7) Is there any part of the experience that either the Prisoner or the Warden would change? What would that be?
(8) How did the Warden deal with the tedium and the pressure of the job of looking after the Prisoner? Did the Warden get any breaks? Did he have any reliever? Did he have anyone to talk about the experience while it was happening to help him process what he was feeling?
(9) Did the Prisoner feel any fear during his incarceration? What was he afraid of? Did any of his fears come to pass?
(10) Were there any attempts by the Prisoner to bargain for a better situation for himself? What did the Prisoner ask for? What did he have to bargain with? What worked, what didn’t?
(11) Now that the experience is over, has either the Prisoner or the Warden noticed how the experience has changed them? Has the experience impacted on their lives? Has it changed their behaviors, how they relate to others and how they see themselves? How? Has this been a good or a bad thing?
(12) Will there be any videos? How would it affect the Prisoner if he views any of these videos and sees himself as a third person outside of himself? Will we get to see these videos?
Thank you. It has been a learning experience for us too, keeping up with this narrative.
Thanks so much for the very frank and truthful report – sure it was very difficult for B/both of Y/you. Was quite curious about the crushing boredom and how to cope – in personal storage (no where near as long) have clung to small repetitive sounds to dull the time – distantly hearing the water heater firing up, feeding times etc to cope – but 19 days – kudos to B/both of Y/you – an incredible journey – and thanks for sharing it.
It is a great experience, I did it 3 days in a dark cell in a cabin in the woods (alone) 2x a day a guard visit me to change the bondage and give some food (and have to eat it in a few minutes and once a day an enema. When I hear the G i have to put a mask on and there was no verbal comm, only an order, so I know what you mean … and I like it too, leatherdog
Wow, sweet, !!!
Thank you so much for sharing. Sorry, but I view your account to be very sexy, hehe. Sure sure, being in it was hell, BUT, reading your account is still as good as any sweet bondage story. Yum yum.
I appreciate that you actually broke, even if not until the last day. That is what it is all about, imo. I think it is healthy to be taken to the point where you are broken. I would love to experience being broken (and yes I would not like it at the time). A lot of things I do, in terms of bondage, are not pleasant, but when I get home and am safe, then I think about them and it is good material, hehe.
Funny how it all works out that way.
By the way, are you a quiet at-home type of person?
I spend a ton of time alone, by myself, at home, and I LOVE IT. I prefer to be alone than to be with people. I wonder if you go out a lot with people and regardless, I wonder if this would play a role in how a person likes the cell?
Excellent report. Thank you Inmate for sharing your experience.
I have a few questions:
1. What is the motive of this exercise? To experience long-term confinement, to turn a fantasy into reality, or some other reason(s)?
2. Did you have any similar experience before this padded cell confinement? If so, what’s the longest duration? If not, how did you and the Warden come to the conclusion that 3 weeks was “long enough to develop the realism desired without causing any long term mental health issues”?
3. Once you regained your freedom, how long did you take to feel “normal” again? Any signs of PTSD (Posttraumatic stress disorder) or anything like that? Any dreams/flash backs of the padded cell?
4. Looking back, will you do anything differently before and during the confinement?
(and some what-if questions)
5. Lighting: if given a choice, would you choose 19 days of complete darkness, or 19 days of full light without a blindfold?
6. Gears and accessories: what if there was no straitjacket/pillow/blindfold/etc during the entire duration? (There will be a hood during the trip to the bathroom.) How will you and your mind act differently?
7. Role reversal: if you and the Warden’s roles are reversed (i.e., you are the Warden), is there anything you’ll do differently in terms of treating the Inmate inside the cell?
Thank you once again for sharing your experience.
Thanks, Inmate. A very interesting read, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the best.
To clarify, when I use the word “narrative” I don’t mean it in terms of “fiction.” I mean it in the bigger context that there is action and movement and well, context, going on, which made the experience more engaging for me as a reader. This is what made this series compelling for me, because it’s not just porn. I particularly appreciate the opportunity to explore the post-experience with you.
I hope you didn’t think I was one of those who thought this was staged. I thought it was very real indeed.
Thank you for an honest report.
Bondage enthusiasts fantasize about long term confinement and solitary – it really is not fun.
These are my answers to some questions that have been asked regarding my incarceration in the padded cell. I hope I can satisfactorily answer those questions.
(1) I couldn’t. There was no communication unless the Warden wanted it. That’s assuming he was there as most of the time he wasn’t.
(2) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
(3) The most difficult situations were the sleep deprivation and having nothing to do but look at 4 walls, especially towards the end. It was really starting to drive me crazy. I think (and again, ask the Warden) that there wasn’t a large amount of bondage as those 2 factors were the real serious bondage in the whole thing. Without being disrespectful, you need to experience it for a similar length of time to realize just how horrendous these 2 simple things are. As I intimated, there is no question what so ever that I would have eventually gone insane at some point – I just don’t know when and certainly don’t want to find out!
(4) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
(5) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
(6) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
(7) Wow. Good question. It could definitely have been made much harder for me. Sleep deprivation would have been far worse if not for the blindfold. The pillow being removed would have made it even worse. The blue abduction splint became very uncomfortable after many, many hours. And again, it was impossible to sleep in. Worse was the fact that if the arms were bound, then it is impossible to move from the present position. Being left in a nappy in it for hours is not pleasant either. However, the absolute worst thing would have been to reduce any communication and/or contact further. Things such as having to pee into a bottle instead of toilet breaks and having food dropped through the viewing hole with no comment whatsoever would have drastically reduced contact. That would have made it infinitely worse and would have been far worse than any applied bondage as that would have at least entailed contact. In fact, when there was some bondage applied, I actually enjoyed it (well, to a point) as it meant human contact and breaking the boredom. I think the Warden can add some comments here too.
(8) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
(9) Yes. I was placed in the large steel headball and I was convinced I was going to be left in it for a VERY long time. I really did get scared. I didn’t think I would be able to handle it. Incidentally, there is a hole on the front of it for breathing but I couldn’t see through it as I was blindfolded under it. And of course, there was no way I could even touch the blindfold let alone get it off, so it was total darkness. There were also times when I got really scared thinking I had been left/forgotten. My relationship with the Warden is such that rationally I knew deep down in my mind that he would never do that, but I was in such a state that I really began to doubt this and there were times when I thought I had truly been forgotten.
(10) I seldom tried to bargain as I knew it was futile; I had nothing to bargain with and importantly, it would guarantee my situation would get worse. This last point really played on my mind as I never knew in what form this extra punishment would appear or even when. In fact there were times when punishment was delayed for days such that I could hardly make the connection. I also felt that by upsetting the Warden I would lose what little I had, and in that, I was certainly correct.
(11) My comments to this one I feel are covered by the comments at the end of my description of the incarceration
(12) I think that is best asked of the Warden.
I hope that answers all of Trick’s questions.
Your last comment is interesting. I do like having time to myself but I also enjoy socializing and other people’s company. So I guess I am a fairly outgoing person and I certainly enjoy/need other people’s company. I really don’t know how this would affect a person’s time in the cell. I suspect that people who can spend time alone easily would handle it better. But then again, I think there are MANY other factors involved, not the least being the mental tenacity someone has, and I really don’t think you will ever know until you have been placed in the situation and have to deal with it. I think it’s similar to an emergency situation where some people react immediately and others freeze. And from what I read from the experts, it’s impossible to tell who will do what at the time.
(1) The motive was to experience long-term confinement.
(2) Yes. I have spent up to a week locked in a jail type cell, but that was a holiday compared to this! The 3 weeks was decided on from a combination of previous experience, our relationship and understanding of each other and a simple educated guestimate. Ask he Warden the same question, but I think the timing was pretty well spot on.
(3) We had allowed a few days to get normal again. Driving or operating any form of machinery was banned for a few days. I have 2 full weeks off before returning to work. I have no signs what so ever of PTSD. In fact, in a funny way, I look back on it with very positive memories. I certainly suffered from the “Stockholm Syndrome” where the captive becomes friends with, and actually has sympathy for their captor. This is because the Warden was my ONLY contact for 3 weeks and you start to see him as a friend rather than one perpetuating your captivity. I do often think back to the cell as it will be with me for the rest of my life, but not in a bad way and certainly not in the context of nightmares or such.
(4) There are things we could have done differently, just as with anything in life, you can always improve the next time. A next time? Would I put myself through that again?? I can’t answer that at this time.
(5) Lighting. Very good question. Obviously I haven’t done it, but I imagine, and I think with very good reason, that being totally in the dark would be MUCH harder to handle. Given a choice, it would be easier, I believe, to handle the full light without the blindfold than darkness.
(6) Regarding removing everything from the cell, refer to my article on the last day where this did in fact happen. It was soul destroying and would have made the experience much worse if applied for the duration.
(7) Role reversal? I don’t believe so. I would treat him in the same very firm but at the same time compassionate manner. Certainly, there would be minor differences just as no two situations will ever be the same.
A very, very astute and true comment. Coming from experience perhaps?
Thank you so much “Inmate” for giving us your side of the story! I had posted several times my desire for similar treatment during your confinement. And I have to say I’d love to take your place even more now than before!
This is amazing. You and the Warden have my respect.
Thank you so much for answering all these questions.
I find it fascinating that there was no sex involved. I know there are a lot of people out there that like bondage even if there is no sex and even those that do not want the sex. I know there are straight guys that tie each other up and enjoy the bondage. Therefore, I have questions in my mind about what bondage satisfies in us on a non-sexual level. A return to the womb? Security? Insecurity? It is so fascinating.
The longest I ever did a scene like this as a top was 3 days, but that was with the prisoner in total darkness. The time was open ended (one week maximum) but I decided to end it after 3 days, because the prisoner started hallucinating because of the lack of visual input. Even the monotonous white walls of the padded cell were still some visual input.
Another question not yet addressed (maybe only the warden can answer it): What was that blue thing you were in part of the time?
The blue thing! It is called abduction pants from a company called bestfixsystems in Germany, originally designed as a medical brace for people with displaced hips I believe.